Dear Xavier


You always made fun of me for liking country music, but you liked listening to me sing. You remember that million year old man who was hittin on me that one night in JR’s? I promise not to tell anyone that you went ghetto on his ass and flipped your weave.

Danny emailed me today. Warmed my heart and soul that I was able to give you some comfort that others couldn’t provide just based on a membership in a fraternity that neither of us ever wanted to join. The hazing rituals of this frat were just too much for you to handle and there is nothing wrong with that. I often wonder how I handled it and here you were, laughing, smiling and joking all along the way. You told me that you admired my strength but in reality, I’m not strong. I’m weak, fragile and scared all the time. You were none of those things.

I have to admit that when I see or hear someone say they live life to the fullest, I often roll my eyes because they really have no clue what that actually means. Maybe that is a subjective and cliche saying but if anyone knew what it truly meant, it was you.  I never saw you with one single frownie-faced wrinkle and I admire that about you.

You showed all of us in the crew how to live, laugh and love each other, despite our differences. You accepted all of us, no matter what that meant. In your eyes, we were perfect and in ours, you were.

I’m pretty sure that if you could see me right now, you would tell me to put on my big girl panties and git on with it. However, just like the song says, I’m not crying because I’m sorry for you. I know you are in a better place as I know the pain you went through. I’m crying for me. It’s selfish but it’s all I can do right now to let you know that you are greatly missed.

To the rest of my friends, family, readers and especially the crew in H-Town…make sure your loved ones know you love them.  Take that time to text them, visit them and hug them.    Sometimes, the extended family you create outside of your bloodline becomes closer than the ones you grew up around and share a namesake with. Nothing can replace that feeling of acceptance and friendship.  Xavier taught us all that. He lived for that.

Rest peacefully, Xavier. We all love you and miss you.  Keep it fabulous on the other side and when I get there, we gon’ need a kiki.

1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Emmanuel
    Mar 15, 2013 @ 12:58:41

    This is amazing, made me cry.


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