A “Psychic” stopped me in the mall yesterday…said she saw positive change coming very soon in my life.
I responded with “Sweet! When am I winning the lottery??”
She smirked.
See, I moved to Houston, Texas about a week ago. Just me, my puppymonster Elvis, and a carful of crap. As much as I could cram in it. (Don’t worry, I remembered to bring mah Cowboy boots, all three ipods and every single ball of yarn I own, just like a good girl would.) I live with my sweet boyfriend and at first, I was a little nervous.
But, here’s what I’m doing to settle in:
I played in the dirt
Those are my Gerbera Daisies. I LOVE them!!! Unfortunately, no green ones though. :/ But I’ve got pink ones!!!
I made tomatoes
that cute little garden also has bell peppers in it and I have radishes, cucumbers and onions planted in the yard. Yum yum!!!
I do a lot of cooking these days and I really enjoy using fresh veggies and fruits in said cooking. So why not be self sustaining and just grow my own?? I’ve always wanted a little garden and my sweet human pet helped me create one. So suck on that, chemo and canSer. I have the garden I wasn’t allowed to do last year. So HA! How do ya like dem apples??? and strawberries and grape tomatoes and cukes??? (isn’t that an icky sounding word?? Cuke?? For some reason, it just creeps me out. Like, you know that weird guy that hits on you six times at the bar, even though you’ve repeatedly pointed out your boyfriend?? The guy that looks like Mr. Clean??? Ya’ll know who I’m talkin bout…creepy like that.)
got mah nails did
My guy likes them all purdied up like this and who am I to stand in the way of that pampering?
I also spent this Friday evening at a local bigname brewpub. I had some chicken and pasta, a black cherry soda, and a lovely refreshing drink called a Sea Breeze that quite possibly became my favorite. On one side of me sat an older gentleman, probably in his 60′s. We had a wonderful conversation. Told him my tale because, let’s face it…it’s a good one and it should be told. On the other side sat two of my guy’s regulars. (Angelman is a bartender.) These two dudes were discussing their latest shred sessions..or so I assume as they were talking about how to hold the guitar for a leftie. (either that or they were throwing up some mad air guitar skillz right there in the restaurant.) I sat and exchanged jokes with all these guys and watched Angelman’s eyes light up with enthusiasm and pride when they all doted on his pretty girlfriend. It was in that very moment where it happened. I realized. Amongst the diverse bar population, on a Friday night, with my boyfriend working, Mr. Clean repeatedly hitting on me, and the to-go version of my favorite soda that I knew. I am happy. I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I broke away from the toxicity, followed my heart for once and found my little piece of happy perfection and I refuse to allow anyone or anything take it away from me. Better pry it from my cold, dead hands!
And look! I even found a sexy, handsome angel sleeping in my bed! And to think I wasn’t even looking!!
Always nice to wake up next to an angel and good things truly come to those who wait. (or, just go through a lot of bad crap so they MAKE good stuff happen…just sayn.)
Hugs and Sunny Surf,
Jessica & Gertrude
Be Passionate
17 Mar 2011 5 Comments
in Cancer, funny, laughter, ovarian cancer Tags: bucket list, Cancer, chemotherapy, Conservative, culture, death, Dog, dolphin, fashion, friends, Funny, gamer, Happy, Heavy Metal, hot, hotness, Inspiration, inspiring, joke, knitting, Laugh, laughter, Life, live like you were dying, Ovarian Cancer, pink flamingo, politics, swim with dolphins, The American Cancer Society, Tim McGraw, travel, ur mom, woman, Zombies
Do you have a bucket list?
I do..I’ve had it since I was 14 years old. I even remember where I was when I made it..I was sittin’ in the backseat of a car, leaving Kansas for the last time and moving to a new life in Arkansas. Since that day, my bucket list has been to a lot of places and been through everything with me. It went to boot camp, Korea, Jamaica, several weddings, a few funerals, Disneyland, Katrina relief, my tumor debulking surgeries, chemo therapy and even Relay for Life.
When I became sick, it became my mission to get as much checked off as possible. Some of the things on said list are a bit silly, as I made it when I was 14. But at this point, I think it’s fair to check some of those off. heh. Here are a few that I have marked off..
I’ve swam with Dolphins. It was well worth it
Went to the Metropolitan Museum of Art
Meet Mariah Carey
Hey..go big or go home, right?? haahah!! Don’t judge me…we all know you are secretly humming “Always Be My Baby” in your head riiiiiggghtt now..hehe
Toured Washington, D.C.
To include Arlington.
That. was. tough.
I’ve recently added a few things to the list. I do this every now and then. I like to think of it as my immortality magic. I mean, if I still have stuff to do on the list, then I can’t die. Good theory, huh.
Here’s a few things I added recently:
Surf in Australia
Skydiving (just to spite my horrid fear of heights)
Rocky Mountain Climbing
do 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fu Manchu
(Okay okay..maybe I didn’t really add that last one, but it’s a fun thought. I did add see Tim McGraw in concert, though. )
So tell me..What are YOU passionate about?
Be passionate about SOMETHING. ANYTHING. Whether it is knitting, completing a silly list, or just your political opinion. If you’re not passionate about something, you’re just a wasted bag of flesh and water; a zombie. Unfortunately, I know a few of these. Good thing I’m well prepared for the zombie apocalypse…
Hugs and Sunny Surf,
Jessica & Gertrude
Ridding the Toxic ones
02 Mar 2011 5 Comments
in Cancer, funny, laughter, ovarian cancer Tags: bestie, Cancer, chemo, chemotherapy, culture, death, detox, Diet, Doctor, friends, Funny, gamer, Happy, Inspiration, inspiring, joke, Laugh, laughter, Life, medical, people, pink flamingo, purging, toxic
I was putting some things in the trunk of my car today and I found this
It’s my old army beret. I actually teared up a bit at finding it. So many people really do not realize or understand just how much a canSer patient/survivor has ripped away from them.
Finding my beret just confirmed that I need to do some serious life toxins purging.
Most people think that a detox is simply ridding your body of the nasty goo that hangs out inside of it. I however, have come to believe that this also means ridding my life of the nasty gooey individuals that make life miserable. I know this is not going to be a fun or easy process but it needs to be done, no matter how painful it might be.
I’ve received lots of generous gifts from friends all over and I’m incredibly grateful for everything that has been done for me. However, it has come to my attention that there are people in my life who are “irked” or “upset” or felt that I was somehow disrespectful or they were even “infuriated” by the things/attention I have received.
I firmly equate this to jealousy and at this point, those sorts of people are not needed in my life. The last thing I (or any cancer survivor for that matter) needs to deal with is added drama, contributed by things that are not of another’s business.
I really think that this purging is an important part of the recovery path. Along with getting rid of the self-righteous, ignorant, know it alls, racists, etc. (whatever little adjective you may choose to use we ALL know the type of individuals I’m referring to. Misery loves company and attitude is well over half the battle. In addition, attitudes and misery are contagious. Surround yourself with those who truly care.) I’ve started eating better. I eat out less and I shop as much as possible in organic and natural food stores. I am absolutely a meat eater, but do my best to eat organic meats. Less red meat and more chicken. 
So cock a doodle doo baby! These foods are a bit more expensive, but pale in comparison to my medical bills. Heh. I’m not trying to say “Hey you murdering meat eater, eat your organic free trade broccoli for cryin out loud.” I’m just saying that I really think a lot of the canSer and other dis-ease running around this country, eating away at our beautiful American people can be contributed to the dietary changes in the past couple of decades. 20 years ago, it was much less common to receive a canSer diagnosis…especially at a young age like mine.
So, I leave y’all with this. I CHALLENGE you to 1. look at the individuals in your life. You’re only as good as the company you keep, right? Are they supportive of you? Do they honestly care? Or is their piss poor attitude bringin’ you down?
2. Go look in your fridge/cupboard/pantry. Look at the ingredients in some of your most favorite foods. For example…your coffee cream…what should be in that? Cream? milk? sugar? Disodium phosphate?? Holy toilet bowls, Batman, this stuff is used to relieve constipation…yet it is in my very own coffee creamer??? eewwww…
See what is in your food stock and find out what the chemicals are that you ingest. Then make an educated decision about whether or not you can live without eating these things.
My body already feels better having cut out a lot of the nasty goos, both human and non human form.
Hugs and Sunny Surf,
Jessica & Gertrude
Baby, You’ve come a long way
23 Feb 2011 9 Comments
in Cancer, funny, laughter, ovarian cancer, Uncategorized Tags: bestie, Cancer, chemo, chemotherapy, culture, death, Doctor, Dog, fashion, friends, Funny, gamer, Happy, Heavy Metal, hot, hotness, hottie, humor, Inspiration, joke, laughter, Life, Love, medical, music, New York City, NYC, Ovarian Cancer, pink flamingo, politics, PS3, The American Cancer Society, travel, wig, woman
I’ve not had the motivation lately to update here, but this weekend was a bit bittersweet for me. This is a day that will live in infamy. One year ago today, I was placed on a ventilator and admitted to the ICU. I was lying in a bed, sedated and dying. People aren’t going to like reading that, but that’s how it was. Sometimes the truth just sucks and talking about it doesn’t always get you a seat at the cool kids’ table for lunch.
I’ve had people say I’m inconsiderate, I joke too much, I need medication, how can I take things so lightly, I need therapy, blah blah blah. I won’t apologize for anything that I have said, did or thought that pissed someone off. I’m done doing that. BUT I’ve also had people say I inspire them, that I give them hope, they admire my strength and they got out of bed because of how I coped. I’m not strong, I’m not prolific, I’m not amazing or anything else one could conjure up. I did what I had to do to survive, just like anyone else would. But for every dumb, lame statement I hear about my coping methods, I hear five amazing, smart and sassy ones. The latter make it all worth it. If one woman gets out of bed, puts on her make-up and marches into her chemo session because of my story, mission accomplished.
I’ve been through a lot of crap in my life. Two divorces, Katrina Relief, bootcamp, the death of friends and loved ones, and other things that I’m not going to get into on here. However, this past year has been THEE most difficult one of my life.
This past year, I was diagnosed with stage 3c ovarian cancer. I almost died a few times and all of my dreams were ripped out of my hands, to include the one of marrying the person I thought was meant just for me.
One of my friends asked on her facebook page if I would rather go back ten years or jump ahead five. Without a moment of thought, I stated go back ten. After all my little mind, body, heart and soul has had to deal with, I’d do it all over again. I am the woman I am today because of everything that happened; most of which happened this past year. I’ve learned to accept me the way I am. Although I struggle every so often with self image, (comon…what woman DOESN’T??) I am happy with the woman I’ve grown into. I know what I want from life now, and I refuse to settle for less than what I deserve. I’ve learned there are people in this world that love me just the way I am; sass, tattoos, morning breath and all. I’ve watched my closest friends grow into some of the strongest women I know. I mean, they not only juggled their family and careers, but stood by my side throughout the whole ordeal. Even if it was something as simple as bringing me a Sonic Coke while I was stuck at my final round of chemo, they were there to laugh and cry with me. I’ve watched my family struggle to laugh with me, even though I know they often just wanted to cry. (Although I have to admit, they often drive me crazy. BUT that doesn’t change the fact that I still love them all, no matter how pissed I may get at them. I’m sure they get mad at me, too. heh.)
So, while I may be struggling to buy new yarn for my next knitting project and can’t seem to get a leg up on a career move right now, I’d say I’m a pretty lucky girl to be surrounded by so many supportive and amazing people. It was the worst year of my life, but oddly enough, it was also the best year, too. It turned my whole world around…and I kinda like it.
Now if I could just get back out to California…everything would be perfect.
Hugs and sunny surf,
Jessica & Gertrude
Special thanks to:
First of all, Myself. Noone ever gives themselves credit for their accomplishments and I’m putting an end to that. I rock.
Dr. Kris Ghosh
Dr. Stephen Rosenfeld
Dr. Randall Hightower
the Tri-City nursing staff
Highlands Oncology Staff
Elvis (my puppymonster, not the King.)
Helen Olds
Kim Brannon
Ryann Thornton
Stephanie Reid
Lori Karis
Jen Rooney
Tyjanna Bourgeois
Troy Blakely
Jen Baker
my entire Paralegal class at USD
University of San Diego
Jessica Louise
Mike Chung
David Chen
Loc Nguyen
Diem Nguyen
Julia Nguyen
the Nguyen family
Ivan’s meat Market
Crystal Davis
Tina Newport Yeager
Kelly Erickson
Arinn Westendorf
MSG Scott Baranek
MAJ John Decker
Dianne Hupp
RJ Grijalva
Kirt Reynolds
Trik Photography
Jessica Miller (Dunk)
Frederic Leclercq (Love you Kromoze!!!)
Nhung Lien
Tri Huyhn (sorry dude! I can’t remember how to spell ur last name. But miss your face!)
Camille Berry and Mattie
My military family and fellow soldiers
Chendo
Glenn Sweet
SG community (and the members who were amazing and sent me good reads and blankets when I needed them the most
Anthony Bourdain (hey. No Reservations got me through many a chemo session)
Tom Cruise (hey…so did Risky Business and Cocktail, okay?? Cut a girl some slack here..)
Tony Maristela
Charles Park
Brian Pond and family
Tom Morris and family
A.J. Cates
Tianna Priest and family
Cody Renegar (especially for making me feel beautiful without hair and for creating the most Euro-trashtastic mohawk before buzzing my head!)
Adrian Salazar, my nuudleface BMFF (thats best male friend forever)
Rooster at Prick Tattoo in San Antonio
Eli Roth and Quentin Tarantino (my chemo sessions were long, peeps.)
My grandparents
Kendra Reynolds
Playstation
Apple
Hobby Lobby
Walmart
Best Buy
eBay
Amazon
Philosophy
iTunes
Netflix
all my favorite musicians and authors
Shyaporn Theerakulstit (God I hope that is spelled right..)
Jay Thornton
The Collective Bias family
Wordpress
Anthony Waits
Jerry Murry
The entire Warburton clan
Robert Baker
Rick Yeung
The Relay for Life family and everyone who has supported me with that
Bryce Warburton
and finally,
Mike Warburton and Vickie Warburton
Most importantly, all you amazing LWG readers!! this would be a wasted effort without y’all.
That’s a long long list, so if you don’t see your name, I’ve not forgotten you. There’s just been so many along the way that I can’t possibly name them all. I love you all so much!!! and Baby, you’ve come a long way.
New Year New you??
03 Jan 2011 1 Comment
in Cancer, funny, laughter, ovarian cancer Tags: 2011, apocalypse, band, conspiracy, cookies, culture, Dog, end of the world, Facebook, fashion, friends, Funny, gamer, garage, garage band, Happy, Heavy Metal, hipster, hot, humor, Inspiration, inspiring, job, joke, Justin Beiber, Lady GaGa, Laugh, laughter, Life, meat, Myspace, New Year, New Year's Resolutions, Ovarian Cancer, Social Networking, Twitter, vegan, woman, writer, zombie
Well my fellow canSer kickers, here we are at the start of a brand new year. So far, Twitter is still running but Facebook is the preferred social networking source, Justin Beiber is stealing the souls of 13 year old girls everywhere and Lady GaGa is planning her next wacked out wardrobe ensemble made completely of dried cat food. Yep, nothing has changed. To honor this irony of some sort of a “new beginning” mumbo jumbo that is about as real as Dolly Parton’s boobs, Imma tell you a few things I WON’T be doing this year. Maybe a few of my way rad readers might even join me. We can start a trend or two.
1. Making Stupid Resolutions for the New Year
Comon…what’s the point of “I’m going to eat better” or “I’m going to be more green??” We all know that those of you who actually made resolutions like that have already broken them. Helloooooo…that last glass of champy you had after midnight at your boss’ New Years party? That counts. It was in the new year. All those streamers and paper confetti tossed around and left to blow in the wind? That counts. It was also in the new year. So I’ll be saving the disappointment of utter failure and NOT making goals that I can’t keep. I am a firm supporter of that; make goals that are realistic and obtainable. Then, no one is disappointed and we all win.
2. Number Watching
That’s right. I said it. Number watching! That is my doctor’s job. I mean, what am I paying them for at this point? Imma eat whatever I want and do what I want. If there is a problem, the guy with the “M.D.” after his name will let me know. Number watching might also include rushing around to be places that other people are requiring of me. Obviously, there are extenuating circumstances, but for the most part, life will be on MY timeline these days and NOT the timeline of others.
3. Buying into end of the world/2012 conspiracy theories
What a bunch of bull honkey, people. Did it ever occur to anyone that maybe the calendar simply starts over? You know, similar to how it does every single January? Juuuuuusssstttt sayin’…
4. Getting into extreme couponing and stockpiling for the upcoming Zombie Apocalypse in 2012
Have you seen these nutjobs? Sure, they get all those groceries for free, but good lord…how many sticks of deodorant does a man need? Aside from that, I’m pretty sure I’ve got better things to do with my time than hunt down free spaghetti noodles. I dunno…maybe I’ll regret that in 2012, when the end of the world happens and the stench of dead Zombies is so overpowering. Guess I’ll just have to hunt down an extreme couponer and try to buy some air freshener for two Coca-Colas, a pack of Ramen and a bag of Twizzlers.
5. Eating chocolate
Honestly…I swear…
6. Joining your best friend’s garage band
I believe this has been covered in a previous blog, but your best friend’s garage band only plays at your mom’s house because she makes the best Hot Pockets on the block. If it weren’t for those microwavable beef and cheese filled flaky goodness, that garage band wouldn’t exist. Why? Because they suck. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be a “garage” band, now would they…
7. Making lame comments on Twitter, Facebook, (social networking site name goes here) that make no sense.
I’m not talking about the ones such as ” I’m chillin at blahblahblah with DahDahDah” type of comments. I’m referring to those ones people post that are fairly cryptic and it starts a big game of “guess what I mean and who this is directed at.” No one likes that damn game anyways. It’s kinda like a game of Dodgeball. The only person having any fun is the person throwing the ball. Everyone else gets to go home with a belly ache.
8. Letting People walk all over me
Yeah, this is a bad habit of mine. I have THEE hardest time telling people I care about “No.” This often leads to me getting walked on and my heart often feels like it was taken for quite a ride. Not anymore. That girl is long gone, peeps.
9. Taking a dead end, pencil sharpening, paper stapling, lame ass job
Matter of fact, I would recommend that one to just about anyone who isn’t happy with how things are turning out in their life. I firmly believe that I have a right to work a job that I love and am passionate about and so does every other human being. I’ll be pursuing those passions now. No more mail room sorting for me. (that’s generic for “crappy job.”)
10. Falling out of remission
I like to think I have complete control over this and guess what? It ain’t gonna happen. Not as long as I’ve got somethin’ to say about it.
and now…
10 Things I WILL be doing
1. Breaking some of those “resolutions” above, because, well…We AAAALLLLL know I’m fully prepared for the Zombie Apocalypse that will occur in 2012…
2. Playing less videogames
Buuuuuuuttt…since I’m NOT number watching, I refer to number one on this second list.
3. Using my sword
That started out as just another inside joke between an old friend and I, but maybe there’s a bit more to it. I tend to use my pen; probably too much. Time to start standing up for myself and my goals.
4. Eating meat
Yep. I’m a meat eater. Far from being a hipster. Go eat the dead carcass of an animal, you hippie. Just make sure it is organic and free -range..
5. Thanking aiport Security guards
I want them to know how lovely the frisking felt.
6. Doing less laundry
Hmm…I’ll just call that extreme couponer guy and inquire about expanding my uses for deodorant.
7. Call/Text people in the same room as me
Admit it. It is quite a riot to watch everyone else in the room wonder who you are both talking to. Then, once the other people realize you’ve not included them in your “secret” conversation, they think you’re talking about them. Yes, I speak from experience. I can’t make this stuff up, people.
8. Writing more often
I’ve really neglected my little private corner of the interwebs due to the holiday season and extreme traveling, but those days are behind me. I’ve got a rather large list of ideas and aim to keep this a happy, canSer-free laugh joint. Word.
9. Marking things off my bucket list
I had one years before there was a movie about it. I made it when I was 14 and it stays safely tucked away in my wallet. It has been through high school graduation, Boot camp, Hurricane Katrina AND Rita, several weddings and drunken pub crawls, a few trips to various foreign countries and even my tumor debulking surgery. It takes up valuable wallet space because I never know when I may have the opportunity to check something off it. Always having it with me prevents a lost opportunity. I even add to it every once in a while. Yep..I found the REAL way to be immortal. Heh.
10. Doing what makes ME happy
Why SHOULDN’T I do what makes ME happy? I’ve done so much to keep everyone else happy. Well guess what? Now it is MY turn! (and I think you should do the same.) I don’t mean be selfish, but if I wanna decorate cupcakes all weekend, knit ugly green and yellow doggie sweaters or eat cookies in bed, Imma do it. Is it really hurting anything?
So, here’s my challenge to my readers. Be selfish every so often. Do something for you just because you deserve it.
EAT COOKIES IN BED!!
it’s fun. I promise
Hugs and sunny surf,
Jessica & Gertrude
Its peanut buttah jelly time
22 Nov 2010 2 Comments
in Cancer, funny, laughter, ovarian cancer, Uncategorized Tags: barium, black friday, Cancer, CAT scan, chemotherapy, CT Scan, cute boy, Doctor, doctor office, friends, friends. sweetheart, Funny, handsome, Happy, hot, hottie, Inspiration, inspiring, joke, Laugh, laughter, Life, Love, medical, oncology, PET scan, Thanksgiving, The American Cancer Society, woman
Heh. Yep. I came to ruin your week. This song won’t leave your left side brain for the rest of the week. Muaaahahahahahahaaaahahahaaaaa!
I also can’t believe it has already been ten days since my last update. Seriously. Time is flying by these days…
I’m going to interrupt my little spot on NYC to discuss some other happening that occurred this past week. I had my first follow up CT Scan since finishing chemo this past Wednesday.
Now let me tell ya, since we all know I’m serious about ass kickin, I wasn’t overly worried about it. I drank down my non-chalky “oral contrast” mixture like a good girl (or as good a girl as I can possibly manage to be anyways) held my breath a few times while the machine drenched my body in radiation and went about my business for the rest of the day.
I didn’t feel any inner chaos until Friday when I returned to hear the results. I couldn’t even read, people. (Yes, they still make books! And yes, some of us still actually PREFER a book..but that may be because some of us can’t afford an eReader. Besides, there’s a certain satisfaction one gets when finishing an actual book that just doesn’t come from anything else.) I sat in the waiting room and I could feel the carnival in my tummy start to work. Once I got back into the private room, the roller coaster and ferris wheel were running at full power. Most people would just call this “butterflies” in the tummy, but what kind of butterflies feel like that??? Hmmm? Butterflies my butt…that was a full-on amusement park, complete with Funnel Cake, Carnies and fountain Coke.
Ugh. I really thought I was going to throw up all over my white Pumas. Luckily for me, a sweet, cute boy sent me a text message at just the right time, telling me it would all be okay. Funny how things like that can calm the soul, isn’t it. Just a random message, saying “Sweetheart, It will be fine.” I’ve some awesome people in my life who always seem to have the perfect timing. A few moments later, Dr. Rosenfeld walked in.
Naturally, I tried to read his face. I don’t know why I attempt this, because he is just one of those doctors that you can’t do that with. I think he could tell what I was doing because he smirked and said “well, your scan’s clean. Ridiculously clean”
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!
I knew it!
Good thing, too, because I’d really hate to embarrass canSer by kicking its ass twice..
Just sayn.
Hugs and sunny surf,
Jessica & Gertrude
PS. Like what Helen and I did to mah hurrr?
Dear Airport
24 Oct 2010 2 Comments
in Cancer, funny, laughter, ovarian cancer, Uncategorized Tags: army, Cancer, chemotherapy, culture, DC, friends, Funny, Happy, homies, hot, hotness, Inspiration, inspiring, Laugh, laughter, Military, NC, New York City, North Carolina, NYC, old friends, Philadelphia, Philly, Raleigh, roadtrip, roadtrippin, team america, travel, Washington DC
Dear Airport,
I love how utterly difficult you’ve become to maneuver these days. Or rather, maybe this should be entitled Letter to a terrorist..but, it’s not so we will just talk about you, airport.
Don’t get me wrong…I love that you get me to where I want to be fairly quickly and much more safely than driving across the country alone, however, there’s a few things about you that just irk me and I think you should know about them.
For starters, what the hell is this crap of charging me for having luggage?? I already paid half a grand for the stupid ticket and obviously I’m not going to wear the same stuff everyday for a few weeks..you know how nasty my underroos would be?? Get real.
Also, I wear a headscarf because I had a medical issue. Has nothing to do with my religion whatsoever, you ignant mofos!
All my love,
Jessica
Okay, now that we have that out of the way, as you can see, I’m on a much needed vacay. I’m hangin’ with a friend and we are roadtrippin’ it in a few days! Remember how I’ve said one should get out and do the things you want because life is seriously just too short not to? Well, that’s exactly what I’m doing right now! I may not have a whole lotta mooooolah for this, but thatis’ aight. I got great peeps to see and be with and a terrific attitude about it all. Nothing a digital camera can’t fix, holmes. hehe.
I fully plan to see my Kirtface and Rick while in NYC. I’ll also have to get ahold of a few other people I know up there, as I absolutely owe them a personal thank you for all their continued support with my recent triumphs in life. (Tianna, that means you girl!)
Charles and I plan on doing all the typical NYC touristy stuffs like, standing in line overnight with our Starbucks and muffins to get tickets to the Jimmy Fallon Show, crying at Ground Zero and pissing off the “Soup Nazi.”
I know this is a short update, but I wanted to get it out there. I’ve got some funny ideas and some great content to come and I promise, I’ll get to updating a bit more. I’ve been pretty fail as I’ve been trying to cope with the bullsh!t life handed me the past few months. Of course, I’ve done my best to keep the positive thinking going and I think it is paying off. I’m a fan. Posi thoughts for the win.
So…soon I’ll be bringin’ you Gertrude live from DC, Philly and NYC, bitches! MOre to come in the next few days! I promise!
Keep doin’ what you do, ya’ll because YOU DAMN DESERVE IT!
Hugs and Sunny Surf,
Jessica & Gertrude
P.S. I want to send a special thanks to a few people.. First off, the folks at Ivan’s Meat Market in Rogers, AR..THANK YOU!!! I LOVE the gift coupon y’all sent me for mah barfday!!! wooooT!!!
and, to Mr. Glenn Sweet and his wife. I can never thank you enough for everything y’all have done for me and I promise to continue to pay this forward in every possible way that I can. I love y’all!
Letter to Me
10 Oct 2010 3 Comments
in Cancer, funny, laughter, ovarian cancer, Uncategorized Tags: birthday, Cancer, chemotherapy, criminal record, culture, disney, Dog, encouragement, fairytale, family, flowers, friends, Funny, gamer, happienss, happiness, Happy, hard times, Heavy Metal, i don't care anymore, i won't let you hurt me anymore, I won't let you make me cry anymore either, inspiring, job, knight, Laugh, laughter, Letter, letter to me, liar, lies, Love, lover, lying, myself, perfect man, princess, resume, romance, school, tattoo, tattoo parlor, tattoo shop, tattoos, The American Cancer Society, tim burton, toxic, work, world, you're a liar and that's what got you where you are, young woman
Dear Me,
The idea of this is to read it often and make sure there is some follow-through. I know I’m not perfect and may fudge on some of this, but hey…so goes the life of a pirate. In the words of Captain Jack Sparrow, they’re not rules…as much as…guidelines. Anyway, there’s just a few things I need to discuss with me, so here we go.
First off, quit settling for less than the knight in shining armor. So far, all that has gotten you is a couple of divorces, a few extra pounds and well, okay..the coolest little dog known to mankind. But that was simply a fluke. Chances are, you would have found that pupster regardless so he doesn’t count. Honeychild, Mr. Right will love you just the way you are. He won’t kick the bedmonster out of your bed because you didn’t give him his puppy bath this week. (maybe just to the foot of the bed.) he’ll buy you tattoo sessions for Christmas and he will send flowers ‘just because.’
And while we are on this subject, he will also support your dreams and goals. You’re never too old to finish college and you are absolutely smart enough to be a sleazy lawyer, just like you always wanted to be. Know those bad days you have where you just need to scream and voice your frustrations to someone? He won’t mind that, either. Matter of fact, he’ll probably even take the blame for his screw-ups and when it comes to arguments with others, he will most ALWAYS side with you, even if it means you’re both wrong. Most importantly, he will be man enough to apologize for the times he is actually wrong and you won’t have to contstantly say you’re sorry for things that were out of your control. Not everything is your fault, woman, so quit apologizing for being who you are.
Now, since we’ve hit that topic, you just can’t control everything in this world. Having said that, it was NOT your fault that you ended up with the canSer and it was NOT your fault that things are they way they are right now. Sure it sucks to have to constantly start over but that too will soon cease. As much as you’ve taken in during your short time on this planet, you absolutely have the most amazing parts yet to come. Karma loves ya and won’t overlook your pretty face.
On that note, don’t forget what canSer has given you. If life were a VCR and you could hit rewind and edit, deep in the beautiful heart ya got, you know you wouldn’t change shit. Why? Because girlfriend, you said it best yourself…coping with canSer taught you to rely on the beauty INSIDE because you couldn’t rely on what was outside. Besides; you know you rock that bald head with class and sass. Hell, even Sinead O’Connor couldn’t pull off what you are, not even with all the money she made from a 3 dollar headshave.
3 dollars is enough to get you a sonic coke and a cheeseburger so don’t fret. It ain’t easy to rebuild your life on a mere $400 a month but that is temporary. Karma has already waved her magic wand and touched the lives of those at the company you will soon write for and brought your magic into their rockin’ facility. You belong there and they all know it. Just be patient, grasshopper because sometimes it just takes a bit of extra time to get the ball rolling. Ya lost just about everything and it sucks, but people who truly love you will help you get it back. They also won’t throw it in your face and won’t be doing it so they can play the “savior” roll. Matter of fact, they won’t think a damn thing of it because that’s just how they roll. Eliminate the toxic people and things will get even better.
Keep on keepin’ on and be doin’ what you do. Bald is beautiful and you deserve the fairytale…even if that fairytale is more reminiscent of Tim Burton than Disney.
Hugs and Sunny Surf,
Jessica & Gertrude.
Oh and P.S. You ARE a princess…no matter what he says…WTF does he know anyway?? You know the truth. You can get it back without lying and without the toxic ones. Hard work pays off better in the end than lying and belittling. Let Karma deal with that, momma.
Birthdays and Panda Butt
03 Oct 2010 2 Comments
in Cancer, funny, laughter, ovarian cancer, Uncategorized Tags: Arkansas, Arkansas Razorbacks, baby panda, bestie, Bioshock, birth day, birthday, birthdays, boyfriend, break up, bro tats, Cancer, chemotherapy, Demi, Demi Moore, drama, ex, excited, flamingo, football, free, free spirit, friends, Funny, gamer, gamer girl, games, geek, geeky, Happy, Happy Birthday song, holmes, homies, hot, hottie, humor, koala, ladybug, Laugh, laughter, Life, lion, local news, Los Angeles, Love, meerkat, meerkats, nerd, nerdy, New York City, News, North Carolina, NYC, ovarian, Panda, ping ping, PS3, Razorbacks, San Diego, San Diego Zoo, spirit, splicer, tattoo, tattoo culture, tattoos, travel, trips
First up, Gertie and I made the local news!!! I’m pretty excited about it still!!
Click HERE
(this whole blog is just overall EXCITED)
This is a bit of a bittersweet write up. I still have good news to share with y’all but I gotta wait a little bit longer. I want to make sure everything is a “go” before I open my mouth and end up possibly making a fool of myself.
Today is my 29th birthday. Now…having said that, most single women my age would be doing a few things…getting ridiculously hammered and discussing their possible membership into the new Cougar club OOORRR drowning their sorrows in cheap wine, Neopolitan Ice cream and old romantic comedies from the late 80′s. NOT this girl!! This girl is incredibly stoked to be turning 29 years old. Sure it marks the last year that I will be able to say I’m in my 20′s, but sooooo what!!! I’m alive and I’m excited about it!! Dammit!
It’s quite possible that I’m more excited than this kid
Heh..now that’s a lot of excitement, people.
A LOT
Like, so much it makes me wanna pee my pants.
In the past few weeks, I returned from a short trip to my beautiful San Diego. I had some great times with old friends. My girl Steph and I even got matching tattoos…
Ladybugs!!
I named mine Demi. Demi means ”half” so I felt it appropriate since..well..I have half. So Steph called hers “Moore.” We’re a beautiful mess like that..heeehehe
As much as I love my artform, the boy didn’t. After some discussion, we both decided that it was just best for us to go our separate ways. I cannot be what he is looking for and vice versa. I’m a free spirit; especially now, and it is working better for us to just be friends. I was hurt at first, but have since realized that it wasn’t meant to be. Tis better this way. I’ve nothing harsh to say towards or about him and still respect him as a friend. We are just two different people now and sometimes life altering experiences do that to you. At the same time, I looked at it like this: break ups are NORMAL!!! They are ridiculously NORMAL!! For that, I’m excited.
Anyway, we did go to the zoo as well!! Let me tell ya!! It was a blast! I got some pretty wild pictures, too! (no pun intended.)
Pretty rad picture, huh. I finally figured out how to use the “zoom” feature on my iPhone. heh..I gots the smarts.
Don’t ya just wanna snuggle up with these little guys??? ’Cept…they’d probably rip your face off and you would be forever doomed to walk around lookin’ like a Splicer out of Bioshock…
I really love this picture!! That little koala looks so cozy and peaceful! I just wish I had some sort of photoshop software so I could lighten it up…Actually, it is quite possible that I do..hrmm…this is a computer that my old bosses let me use until I can pull off getting my own and I bet it has some Adobe stuffs on it..I should dig around and see, huh. Heeheeee
I’ve got a few trips planned but um…since we all know how awesome the Federal government is, I’m not sure how those are going to pan out just yet. The funds I would like to have may not be available. I don’t need much to be able to go, but still. I don’t like to worry about how my car payment will be made or where my insurance money will come from. I’ll have to just write down those shenanigans as they happen and oooohhh yessssss..there shall be shenanigans. See, the 10 year life expectancy for someone with my diagnosis is less than 10%…knowing that, I’ve decided I’m just gonna do whatever the hell I want and if others don’t like it, well, remember how I said canSer only stole a few things from me? My ass being one of those things and I was takin it back?? Weeeeeelllll…guess what I got back and is just waitin’ for the lips of haters…heh.
Suck on that, canSer…I’m STILL gonna do what I want…whether you like it or not! So HA!!!
Me win.
Anyway, for now, I’m staying put in pretty Arkansas. I’m rootin’ for my hogs, I’m freezin’ my butt off and takin’ it one lazy day at a time. I’m enjoying being single for now, although I do not wish for that to be permanent, just like anyone else would want. Eventually, I would love nothing more than to get back to San Diego; Southern California. That’s where my life is now and that’s where I feel I truly belong.
Until then, have some Panda butt
Hugs and Sunny Surf
Jessica & Gertrude
Show it NO RESPECT!
23 Sep 2010 1 Comment
in Cancer, funny, laughter, ovarian cancer, Uncategorized Tags: bestie, Cancer, chemo, chemotherapy, culture, death, friends, Funny, Happy, hotness, Inspiration, inspiring, joke, Laugh, laughter, Life, medical, music, Ovarian Cancer, pink flamingo, The American Cancer Society
Some time has passed since I explained why I mispell the word canSer, so I’m going to clear up some confusion and misplaced awesomeness again here.
See, I’m a huge fan of respect and I firmly believe that respect is earned, not given. Most of y’all also know that I never ever EVAR say “my canSer.”
So, here’s the scoop, peeps. You ask why I mispell canSer…I ask why YOU take ownership of it!! I mean, WHHYYYYY??? Why do you poke the bear??? Don’t encourage it. Do NOT take ownership of it, for cryin out loud. Show it absolutely no respect. Don’t even call it “canSer” when possible. Call it “it.” Don’t capitalize it, don’t placate it, don’t let it control any part of your life and don’t even spell it right! (Props to Kris Carr and her book, “Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips” for that one. ) That tip has definitely been one of my favorites.
I mean, last time I checked, I didn’t own anything I don’t like; credit card debt excluded. Take a look around. Do YOU own things you don’t like? If I’ve had things I didn’t care for, I busted my butt to get rid of them…
canSer included.
Well, my little Gertrudians, that is all for now. I’m tired. Must sleep.
HOWEVER..stay tuned! I have some big BIIIIIIIIGGGG news that Imma let slip out here soon. Just waiting for the right moment. Don’t want to do it too soon because I don’t wanna jinx myself. But really!! Keep checking back..had some crummy happenings the past couple days, but they were beat up and kicked out from under the bed by some way rad-shaped happenings! Check back in a few days and you’ll see what I’ve got in store!! teeheeheeeeee
And remember…No one is going to give you permission to live. So get goin already!
Hugs and Sunny Surf,
Jessica & Gertrude
(this photo cracks me up because it says “Air Bag Warning” above my head…get it?? get it?? BWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA)
(and..what are you doing still reading this right now?? Didn’t I tell you to get goin already???) ;)
