It’s beginning to be THAT time of year, so, of course I must ALSO annoy you with ridiculously early Christmas music. BUT…at least mine is so cool to look at, right??
Things have been amazing and rough all at the same time. Did some more time this past month. (as in hospitals not prisons, but whose counting anyway?) However, I’m now well on the path to recovery (yet again) and am here to chew bubble gum and kick ass. And guess what I’m aaaaaaallll out of….
heh.
So, in light of recent issues and the impending doom that is the holiday season, I’ve started my own Scentsy business.
Yes, that’s right! I’m an Independent Scentsy Consultant and I’m quite excited about it!
If you’re stumped on what to get your mom for Christmas or need a terrific office party gift, then Scentsy is for you.
Orders can be placed through my personal website Jedi Mindwick
If the yummy smells don’t sell you, the clever name should.
Now that I’ve pimped out my little business to you, it’s time for some inspiration type happy stuffs.
The other day I found myself discussing my extreme hatred for my scar with a close friend of mine. Body Image is something women struggle with no matter who they are and a gnarly, 14 inch scar does not help matters. So I’ve decided it is time to attempt to embrace the force within and do what I do best. Make fun of it.
I’m seriously considering getting it tattooed to look like a monster or something is crawling out of my belly. Maybe a zombie should come out! How appropriate would that be?
So here’s my question and challenge to you, dear reader.
What is it about YOUR body that you struggle with?
Is it your weight? Your hair? Maybe you think you have webbed feet?
My challenge to you is to figure out what YOU need to do in order to accept the way you were designed.
Do you need to start walking every morning? Maybe you could use a good shampoo and cut? (NO ONE likes dirty bum hair, okay??) Or maybe you just need a big ole’ stinky rotting zombie coming out of your bellybutton like I do.
I’ve not had the motivation lately to update here, but this weekend was a bit bittersweet for me. This is a day that will live in infamy. One year ago today, I was placed on a ventilator and admitted to the ICU. I was lying in a bed, sedated and dying. People aren’t going to like reading that, but that’s how it was. Sometimes the truth just sucks and talking about it doesn’t always get you a seat at the cool kids’ table for lunch.
I’ve had people say I’m inconsiderate, I joke too much, I need medication, how can I take things so lightly, I need therapy, blah blah blah. I won’t apologize for anything that I have said, did or thought that pissed someone off. I’m done doing that. BUT I’ve also had people say I inspire them, that I give them hope, they admire my strength and they got out of bed because of how I coped. I’m not strong, I’m not prolific, I’m not amazing or anything else one could conjure up. I did what I had to do to survive, just like anyone else would. But for every dumb, lame statement I hear about my coping methods, I hear five amazing, smart and sassy ones. The latter make it all worth it. If one woman gets out of bed, puts on her make-up and marches into her chemo session because of my story, mission accomplished.
I’ve been through a lot of crap in my life. Two divorces, Katrina Relief, bootcamp, the death of friends and loved ones, and other things that I’m not going to get into on here. However, this past year has been THEE most difficult one of my life.
This past year, I was diagnosed with stage 3c ovarian cancer. I almost died a few times and all of my dreams were ripped out of my hands, to include the one of marrying the person I thought was meant just for me.
One of my friends asked on her facebook page if I would rather go back ten years or jump ahead five. Without a moment of thought, I stated go back ten. After all my little mind, body, heart and soul has had to deal with, I’d do it all over again. I am the woman I am today because of everything that happened; most of which happened this past year. I’ve learned to accept me the way I am. Although I struggle every so often with self image, (comon…what woman DOESN’T??) I am happy with the woman I’ve grown into. I know what I want from life now, and I refuse to settle for less than what I deserve. I’ve learned there are people in this world that love me just the way I am; sass, tattoos, morning breath and all. I’ve watched my closest friends grow into some of the strongest women I know. I mean, they not only juggled their family and careers, but stood by my side throughout the whole ordeal. Even if it was something as simple as bringing me a Sonic Coke while I was stuck at my final round of chemo, they were there to laugh and cry with me. I’ve watched my family struggle to laugh with me, even though I know they often just wanted to cry. (Although I have to admit, they often drive me crazy. BUT that doesn’t change the fact that I still love them all, no matter how pissed I may get at them. I’m sure they get mad at me, too. heh.)
So, while I may be struggling to buy new yarn for my next knitting project and can’t seem to get a leg up on a career move right now, I’d say I’m a pretty lucky girl to be surrounded by so many supportive and amazing people. It was the worst year of my life, but oddly enough, it was also the best year, too. It turned my whole world around…and I kinda like it.
Now if I could just get back out to California…everything would be perfect.
Hugs and sunny surf,
Jessica & Gertrude
Special thanks to:
First of all, Myself. Noone ever gives themselves credit for their accomplishments and I’m putting an end to that. I rock.
Dr. Kris Ghosh
Dr. Stephen Rosenfeld
Dr. Randall Hightower
the Tri-City nursing staff
Highlands Oncology Staff
Elvis (my puppymonster, not the King.)
Helen Olds
Kim Brannon
Ryann Thornton
Stephanie Reid
Lori Karis
Jen Rooney
Tyjanna Bourgeois
Troy Blakely
Jen Baker
my entire Paralegal class at USD
University of San Diego
Jessica Louise
Mike Chung
David Chen
Loc Nguyen
Diem Nguyen
Julia Nguyen
the Nguyen family
Ivan’s meat Market
Crystal Davis
Tina Newport Yeager
Kelly Erickson
Arinn Westendorf
MSG Scott Baranek
MAJ John Decker
Dianne Hupp
RJ Grijalva
Kirt Reynolds
Trik Photography
Jessica Miller (Dunk)
Frederic Leclercq (Love you Kromoze!!!)
Nhung Lien
Tri Huyhn (sorry dude! I can’t remember how to spell ur last name. But miss your face!)
Camille Berry and Mattie
My military family and fellow soldiers
Chendo
Glenn Sweet
SG community (and the members who were amazing and sent me good reads and blankets when I needed them the most
Anthony Bourdain (hey. No Reservations got me through many a chemo session)
Tom Cruise (hey…so did Risky Business and Cocktail, okay?? Cut a girl some slack here..)
Tony Maristela
Charles Park
Brian Pond and family
Tom Morris and family
A.J. Cates
Tianna Priest and family
Cody Renegar (especially for making me feel beautiful without hair and for creating the most Euro-trashtastic mohawk before buzzing my head!)
Adrian Salazar, my nuudleface BMFF (thats best male friend forever)
Rooster at Prick Tattoo in San Antonio
Eli Roth and Quentin Tarantino (my chemo sessions were long, peeps.)
My grandparents
Kendra Reynolds
Playstation
Apple
Hobby Lobby
Walmart
Best Buy
eBay
Amazon
Philosophy
iTunes
Netflix
all my favorite musicians and authors
Shyaporn Theerakulstit (God I hope that is spelled right..)
Jay Thornton
The Collective Bias family
Wordpress
Anthony Waits
Jerry Murry
The entire Warburton clan
Robert Baker
Rick Yeung
The Relay for Life family and everyone who has supported me with that
Bryce Warburton
and finally,
Mike Warburton and Vickie Warburton
Most importantly, all you amazing LWG readers!! this would be a wasted effort without y’all.
That’s a long long list, so if you don’t see your name, I’ve not forgotten you. There’s just been so many along the way that I can’t possibly name them all. I love you all so much!!! and Baby, you’ve come a long way.
Well my fellow canSer kickers, here we are at the start of a brand new year. So far, Twitter is still running but Facebook is the preferred social networking source, Justin Beiber is stealing the souls of 13 year old girls everywhere and Lady GaGa is planning her next wacked out wardrobe ensemble made completely of dried cat food. Yep, nothing has changed. To honor this irony of some sort of a “new beginning” mumbo jumbo that is about as real as Dolly Parton’s boobs, Imma tell you a few things I WON’T be doing this year. Maybe a few of my way rad readers might even join me. We can start a trend or two.
1. Making Stupid Resolutions for the New Year
Comon…what’s the point of “I’m going to eat better” or “I’m going to be more green??” We all know that those of you who actually made resolutions like that have already broken them. Helloooooo…that last glass of champy you had after midnight at your boss’ New Years party? That counts. It was in the new year. All those streamers and paper confetti tossed around and left to blow in the wind? That counts. It was also in the new year. So I’ll be saving the disappointment of utter failure and NOT making goals that I can’t keep. I am a firm supporter of that; make goals that are realistic and obtainable. Then, no one is disappointed and we all win.
2. Number Watching
That’s right. I said it. Number watching! That is my doctor’s job. I mean, what am I paying them for at this point? Imma eat whatever I want and do what I want. If there is a problem, the guy with the “M.D.” after his name will let me know. Number watching might also include rushing around to be places that other people are requiring of me. Obviously, there are extenuating circumstances, but for the most part, life will be on MY timeline these days and NOT the timeline of others.
What a bunch of bull honkey, people. Did it ever occur to anyone that maybe the calendar simply starts over? You know, similar to how it does every single January? Juuuuuusssstttt sayin’…
4. Getting into extreme couponing and stockpiling for the upcoming Zombie Apocalypse in 2012
Have you seen these nutjobs? Sure, they get all those groceries for free, but good lord…how many sticks of deodorant does a man need? Aside from that, I’m pretty sure I’ve got better things to do with my time than hunt down free spaghetti noodles. I dunno…maybe I’ll regret that in 2012, when the end of the world happens and the stench of dead Zombies is so overpowering. Guess I’ll just have to hunt down an extreme couponer and try to buy some air freshener for two Coca-Colas, a pack of Ramen and a bag of Twizzlers.
5. Eating chocolate
Honestly…I swear…
6. Joining your best friend’s garage band
I believe this has been covered in a previous blog, but your best friend’s garage band only plays at your mom’s house because she makes the best Hot Pockets on the block. If it weren’t for those microwavable beef and cheese filled flaky goodness, that garage band wouldn’t exist. Why? Because they suck. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be a “garage” band, now would they…
7. Making lame comments on Twitter, Facebook, (social networking site name goes here) that make no sense.
I’m not talking about the ones such as ” I’m chillin at blahblahblah with DahDahDah” type of comments. I’m referring to those ones people post that are fairly cryptic and it starts a big game of “guess what I mean and who this is directed at.” No one likes that damn game anyways. It’s kinda like a game of Dodgeball. The only person having any fun is the person throwing the ball. Everyone else gets to go home with a belly ache.
8. Letting People walk all over me
Yeah, this is a bad habit of mine. I have THEE hardest time telling people I care about “No.” This often leads to me getting walked on and my heart often feels like it was taken for quite a ride. Not anymore. That girl is long gone, peeps.
9. Taking a dead end, pencil sharpening, paper stapling, lame ass job
Matter of fact, I would recommend that one to just about anyone who isn’t happy with how things are turning out in their life. I firmly believe that I have a right to work a job that I love and am passionate about and so does every other human being. I’ll be pursuing those passions now. No more mail room sorting for me. (that’s generic for “crappy job.”)
10. Falling out of remission
I like to think I have complete control over this and guess what? It ain’t gonna happen. Not as long as I’ve got somethin’ to say about it.
and now…
10 Things I WILL be doing
1. Breaking some of those “resolutions” above, because, well…We AAAALLLLL know I’m fully prepared for the Zombie Apocalypse that will occur in 2012…
2. Playing less videogames
Buuuuuuuttt…since I’m NOT number watching, I refer to number one on this second list.
3. Using my sword
That started out as just another inside joke between an old friend and I, but maybe there’s a bit more to it. I tend to use my pen; probably too much. Time to start standing up for myself and my goals.
4. Eating meat
Yep. I’m a meat eater. Far from being a hipster. Go eat the dead carcass of an animal, you hippie. Just make sure it is organic and free -range..
5. Thanking aiport Security guards
I want them to know how lovely the frisking felt.
6. Doing less laundry
Hmm…I’ll just call that extreme couponer guy and inquire about expanding my uses for deodorant.
7. Call/Text people in the same room as me
Admit it. It is quite a riot to watch everyone else in the room wonder who you are both talking to. Then, once the other people realize you’ve not included them in your “secret” conversation, they think you’re talking about them. Yes, I speak from experience. I can’t make this stuff up, people.
8. Writing more often
I’ve really neglected my little private corner of the interwebs due to the holiday season and extreme traveling, but those days are behind me. I’ve got a rather large list of ideas and aim to keep this a happy, canSer-free laugh joint. Word.
9. Marking things off my bucket list
I had one years before there was a movie about it. I made it when I was 14 and it stays safely tucked away in my wallet. It has been through high school graduation, Boot camp, Hurricane Katrina AND Rita, several weddings and drunken pub crawls, a few trips to various foreign countries and even my tumor debulking surgery. It takes up valuable wallet space because I never know when I may have the opportunity to check something off it. Always having it with me prevents a lost opportunity. I even add to it every once in a while. Yep..I found the REAL way to be immortal. Heh.
10. Doing what makes ME happy
Why SHOULDN’T I do what makes ME happy? I’ve done so much to keep everyone else happy. Well guess what? Now it is MY turn! (and I think you should do the same.) I don’t mean be selfish, but if I wanna decorate cupcakes all weekend, knit ugly green and yellow doggie sweaters or eat cookies in bed, Imma do it. Is it really hurting anything?
So, here’s my challenge to my readers. Be selfish every so often. Do something for you just because you deserve it.
I believe in Wild Angels. Do you?? Here’s Martina’s actual video..just because I think it’s pretty rad so you should too. Without those guardian angels, I wouldn’t be telling you about the awesomeness I just experienced recently and we all know that ONLY wild angels would be assigned the hefty task of dealing with this girl. heh.
So most of y’all probably know that I just went on a big road trip to a few cities. My better judgment tells me that I should give it to ya in the order it all occurred which would mean starting with Washington, D.C. but my ability to empathize and place myself in another’s shoes tells me that I should start with what I would really want to hear about…NEW YORK CITY! And, I just bought a box of happy but promised myself not to use said happy until I get a blog update out. So let’s get this goin’ because I’ve got secret missions to do. That’s all I can tell you. I’ve probably already said too much..
Charles and I got to The Big Apple around nine p.m. on a Wednesday evening. The air was chilly yet carried a warmth. The skyline was lit up in all it’s bedazzled glory.
That feeling in your chest right now? That excited, breathlessness…that’s exactly what I had. Upon seeing the city lights, I felt my throat tighten up but managed to control the water works. The first evening was spent catching up with old friends and viewing the city skyline from Tia’s terrace. Fortunately, I do not have a view like this; I would never leave my house. Or maybe, that would develop into an addiction for me…constantly leaving, not returning calls and exploring a city that I’m fairly sure has never been fully explored by but one single individual person. I’m pretty sure it would take several years to see absolutely everything there is to see in NYC.
We rose early the next day to get a terrific start and attempt to beat the city at the sleep game. Breakfast was coffee and doughnuts from a Japanese bakery in Bryant Park. If one wishes to attend a doughnut shop that has no cops in it, go to the Japanese-type ones. haha!
Next stop, Rockefeller Plaza.
I knew this was meant to be as I turned around and saw God hovering above the doors rockin out with his Samurai swords…
We spent most of the morning walking around the NBC Experience store where Charles rocked it out by getting me a Central Perk t-shirt. For those of you naysayers, Central Perk is the fictional coffeeshop that the crew of “Friends” hung out at all the time. Anyone who knows me, knows that I LOVE me some Friends. I even have the complete boxed set, people.
Since I’ve several hundred photos from this trip and sooooo much to tell, this will all come as a sort of…mini-series. Yeah. That’s what Imma call it..a mini-series. It will be my “Makin you bitterly Jealous” mini-series.
So, what do I have in store for y’all then? Weeeeeeehhheeeheeeheeeellllll…
Museum of Modern Art (MOMA) Random acts of silliness and laughter, Natural History Museum, (got gumgum?) Cute boys, Sightseeing cruise, my inherent search for a pretty scarf to wrap my cold head in, breakfast at Tiffany’s, (okay okay..maybe that was just in my imagination..) and sooo much more. So, over the next week or so, I solemnly do swear to love and cherish my readers, to faithfully devote attention to my blog, in sickness and in health, till trip end do we part..
Hugs and sunny surf,
Jessica & Gertrude
P.S.
If you look carefully, I’m pretty sure there’s a reflection of a wild angel in that Alexander McQueen store window…heehee
This is a bit of a bittersweet write up. I still have good news to share with y’all but I gotta wait a little bit longer. I want to make sure everything is a “go” before I open my mouth and end up possibly making a fool of myself.
Today is my 29th birthday. Now…having said that, most single women my age would be doing a few things…getting ridiculously hammered and discussing their possible membership into the new Cougar club OOORRR drowning their sorrows in cheap wine, Neopolitan Ice cream and old romantic comedies from the late 80′s. NOT this girl!! This girl is incredibly stoked to be turning 29 years old. Sure it marks the last year that I will be able to say I’m in my 20′s, but sooooo what!!! I’m alive and I’m excited about it!! Dammit!
It’s quite possible that I’m more excited than this kid
Heh..now that’s a lot of excitement, people.
A LOT
Like, so much it makes me wanna pee my pants.
In the past few weeks, I returned from a short trip to my beautiful San Diego. I had some great times with old friends. My girl Steph and I even got matching tattoos…
Ladybugs!!
I named mine Demi. Demi means ”half” so I felt it appropriate since..well..I have half. So Steph called hers “Moore.” We’re a beautiful mess like that..heeehehe
As much as I love my artform, the boy didn’t. After some discussion, we both decided that it was just best for us to go our separate ways. I cannot be what he is looking for and vice versa. I’m a free spirit; especially now, and it is working better for us to just be friends. I was hurt at first, but have since realized that it wasn’t meant to be. Tis better this way. I’ve nothing harsh to say towards or about him and still respect him as a friend. We are just two different people now and sometimes life altering experiences do that to you. At the same time, I looked at it like this: break ups are NORMAL!!! They are ridiculously NORMAL!! For that, I’m excited.
Anyway, we did go to the zoo as well!! Let me tell ya!! It was a blast! I got some pretty wild pictures, too! (no pun intended.)
Pretty rad picture, huh. I finally figured out how to use the “zoom” feature on my iPhone. heh..I gots the smarts.
Don’t ya just wanna snuggle up with these little guys??? ’Cept…they’d probably rip your face off and you would be forever doomed to walk around lookin’ like a Splicer out of Bioshock…
I really love this picture!! That little koala looks so cozy and peaceful! I just wish I had some sort of photoshop software so I could lighten it up…Actually, it is quite possible that I do..hrmm…this is a computer that my old bosses let me use until I can pull off getting my own and I bet it has some Adobe stuffs on it..I should dig around and see, huh. Heeheeee
I’ve got a few trips planned but um…since we all know how awesome the Federal government is, I’m not sure how those are going to pan out just yet. The funds I would like to have may not be available. I don’t need much to be able to go, but still. I don’t like to worry about how my car payment will be made or where my insurance money will come from. I’ll have to just write down those shenanigans as they happen and oooohhh yessssss..there shall be shenanigans. See, the 10 year life expectancy for someone with my diagnosis is less than 10%…knowing that, I’ve decided I’m just gonna do whatever the hell I want and if others don’t like it, well, remember how I said canSer only stole a few things from me? My ass being one of those things and I was takin it back?? Weeeeeelllll…guess what I got back and is just waitin’ for the lips of haters…heh.
Suck on that, canSer…I’m STILL gonna do what I want…whether you like it or not! So HA!!!
Me win.
Anyway, for now, I’m staying put in pretty Arkansas. I’m rootin’ for my hogs, I’m freezin’ my butt off and takin’ it one lazy day at a time. I’m enjoying being single for now, although I do not wish for that to be permanent, just like anyone else would want. Eventually, I would love nothing more than to get back to San Diego; Southern California. That’s where my life is now and that’s where I feel I truly belong.
If someone asked me what the theme song to my life would be, it would HAVE to be this song. (I take back anything I may have said previoulsy about a “my life theme.” It would be this at the beginning and then “Trouble” by Pink at the end. heh.
Very fitting, huh.
Aside from that, this blog needed a song with some awesomeness-shape to it. Something that just screams “grab your life and LIVE that shizzle!! ” Why? Because it is D-Day peeps! MuthaTruken D-Day!!! I’m comin to you LIVE from the chemo room! heheheeeeee
I honestly thought about putting a large hammer in my purse to bash that bell in with, but decided I should just gently dent it..That way there is a bell left for other people who complete their chemo to ring on their own D-Day.
And, since it is D-Day, I will have pictures to post later on. It just started so no pics, no video footage, nothing like that just yet. That will all come in a blog in a couple o’ days when I don’t feel like getting out of bed. Probably along with some more chat trolling conversations too. Oh man that’s so much fun. If you havent’ tried it, you really should. I must warn you though, stay away from the video chats…I saw more wangs in less than five minutes than I’ve seen my whole life. Ewww. (If you happen to be one of those dudes, You’re disgusting you Pedobear!!! I wish I had a little smiley face that was vomiting to put right after that, but you’ll just have to visualize it. gross. So NO vid chats ever again! Learned my lesson!)
Also, I wanna throw a THANK YOU!!! out to everyone who has donated to my Relay for Life team!!! Teamwise, we have raised a total of 1200 bucks!!! 1060 of that is mine personally!!! My team is in the top two for most money raised and we raised it all in less than a month where other teams had several. Boo Yeah!
.
.
.
.
.
.
There is still time to donate, however, and you can do so through my Facebook page! I would be ecstatic if my team were the top money makers! All proceeds go to the American Cancer Society and help people like me be around to celebrate New Year’s, Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, Ramadan, Passover, beer day, (insert random day of the year here) again next year!
I mean, honestly..without those donations, I probably wouldn’t be here cracking you up right now. You would seriously be missing out.
Aighty, folks. I know this is a short one, but gotta save the rest for that next blog anyway. Besides that, I have this HUGE carrot raisin muffin from Mimi’s sitting right next to me and I think it has started dancing and singing..”eat me eat me” it melodizes to me. Actually, HUGE doesn’t quite describe it. I was worried it wouldn’t fit in the car.
Hugs and Sunny Surf,
Jessica and Gertrude
.
.
P.S. Like that hoodie I’m wearing? It is by one of my favorite designers. I have a truly sweet story about that, but I’ll tell you about it another day. Until then, you can check out her stuff at Jessica Louise.com She deserves all your hugs, appreciation and money! I truly hope that one day I can show her the same generosity she showed me.
RT @Cowboy_J_Storm: Don't get a poop face when you pull up to the entrance of a hotel with your music loud & a baby in the back and I tell … 2 hours ago
Until then, you can check out her stuff at 
