Do you have a bucket list?
I do..I’ve had it since I was 14 years old. I even remember where I was when I made it..I was sittin’ in the backseat of a car, leaving Kansas for the last time and moving to a new life in Arkansas. Since that day, my bucket list has been to a lot of places and been through everything with me. It went to boot camp, Korea, Jamaica, several weddings, a few funerals, Disneyland, Katrina relief, my tumor debulking surgeries, chemo therapy and even Relay for Life.
When I became sick, it became my mission to get as much checked off as possible. Some of the things on said list are a bit silly, as I made it when I was 14. But at this point, I think it’s fair to check some of those off. heh. Here are a few that I have marked off..
I’ve swam with Dolphins. It was well worth it
Went to the Metropolitan Museum of Art
Meet Mariah Carey
Hey..go big or go home, right?? haahah!! Don’t judge me…we all know you are secretly humming “Always Be My Baby” in your head riiiiiggghtt now..hehe
Toured Washington, D.C.
To include Arlington.
That. was. tough.
I’ve recently added a few things to the list. I do this every now and then. I like to think of it as my immortality magic. I mean, if I still have stuff to do on the list, then I can’t die. Good theory, huh.
Here’s a few things I added recently:
Surf in Australia
Skydiving (just to spite my horrid fear of heights)
Rocky Mountain Climbing
do 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fu Manchu
(Okay okay..maybe I didn’t really add that last one, but it’s a fun thought. I did add see Tim McGraw in concert, though. )
So tell me..What are YOU passionate about?
Be passionate about SOMETHING. ANYTHING. Whether it is knitting, completing a silly list, or just your political opinion. If you’re not passionate about something, you’re just a wasted bag of flesh and water; a zombie. Unfortunately, I know a few of these. Good thing I’m well prepared for the zombie apocalypse…
Hugs and Sunny Surf,
Jessica & Gertrude
I was putting some things in the trunk of my car today and I found this
It’s my old army beret. I actually teared up a bit at finding it. So many people really do not realize or understand just how much a canSer patient/survivor has ripped away from them.
Finding my beret just confirmed that I need to do some serious life toxins purging.
Most people think that a detox is simply ridding your body of the nasty goo that hangs out inside of it. I however, have come to believe that this also means ridding my life of the nasty gooey individuals that make life miserable. I know this is not going to be a fun or easy process but it needs to be done, no matter how painful it might be.
I’ve received lots of generous gifts from friends all over and I’m incredibly grateful for everything that has been done for me. However, it has come to my attention that there are people in my life who are “irked” or “upset” or felt that I was somehow disrespectful or they were even “infuriated” by the things/attention I have received.
I firmly equate this to jealousy and at this point, those sorts of people are not needed in my life. The last thing I (or any cancer survivor for that matter) needs to deal with is added drama, contributed by things that are not of another’s business.
I really think that this purging is an important part of the recovery path. Along with getting rid of the self-righteous, ignorant, know it alls, racists, etc. (whatever little adjective you may choose to use we ALL know the type of individuals I’m referring to. Misery loves company and attitude is well over half the battle. In addition, attitudes and misery are contagious. Surround yourself with those who truly care.) I’ve started eating better. I eat out less and I shop as much as possible in organic and natural food stores. I am absolutely a meat eater, but do my best to eat organic meats. Less red meat and more chicken. So cock a doodle doo baby! These foods are a bit more expensive, but pale in comparison to my medical bills. Heh. I’m not trying to say “Hey you murdering meat eater, eat your organic free trade broccoli for cryin out loud.” I’m just saying that I really think a lot of the canSer and other dis-ease running around this country, eating away at our beautiful American people can be contributed to the dietary changes in the past couple of decades. 20 years ago, it was much less common to receive a canSer diagnosis…especially at a young age like mine.
So, I leave y’all with this. I CHALLENGE you to 1. look at the individuals in your life. You’re only as good as the company you keep, right? Are they supportive of you? Do they honestly care? Or is their piss poor attitude bringin’ you down?
2. Go look in your fridge/cupboard/pantry. Look at the ingredients in some of your most favorite foods. For example…your coffee cream…what should be in that? Cream? milk? sugar? Disodium phosphate?? Holy toilet bowls, Batman, this stuff is used to relieve constipation…yet it is in my very own coffee creamer??? eewwww…
See what is in your food stock and find out what the chemicals are that you ingest. Then make an educated decision about whether or not you can live without eating these things.
My body already feels better having cut out a lot of the nasty goos, both human and non human form.
Hugs and Sunny Surf,
Jessica & Gertrude
Well my fellow canSer kickers, here we are at the start of a brand new year. So far, Twitter is still running but Facebook is the preferred social networking source, Justin Beiber is stealing the souls of 13 year old girls everywhere and Lady GaGa is planning her next wacked out wardrobe ensemble made completely of dried cat food. Yep, nothing has changed. To honor this irony of some sort of a “new beginning” mumbo jumbo that is about as real as Dolly Parton’s boobs, Imma tell you a few things I WON’T be doing this year. Maybe a few of my way rad readers might even join me. We can start a trend or two.
1. Making Stupid Resolutions for the New Year
Comon…what’s the point of “I’m going to eat better” or “I’m going to be more green??” We all know that those of you who actually made resolutions like that have already broken them. Helloooooo…that last glass of champy you had after midnight at your boss’ New Years party? That counts. It was in the new year. All those streamers and paper confetti tossed around and left to blow in the wind? That counts. It was also in the new year. So I’ll be saving the disappointment of utter failure and NOT making goals that I can’t keep. I am a firm supporter of that; make goals that are realistic and obtainable. Then, no one is disappointed and we all win.
2. Number Watching
That’s right. I said it. Number watching! That is my doctor’s job. I mean, what am I paying them for at this point? Imma eat whatever I want and do what I want. If there is a problem, the guy with the “M.D.” after his name will let me know. Number watching might also include rushing around to be places that other people are requiring of me. Obviously, there are extenuating circumstances, but for the most part, life will be on MY timeline these days and NOT the timeline of others.
What a bunch of bull honkey, people. Did it ever occur to anyone that maybe the calendar simply starts over? You know, similar to how it does every single January? Juuuuuusssstttt sayin’…
4. Getting into extreme couponing and stockpiling for the upcoming Zombie Apocalypse in 2012
Have you seen these nutjobs? Sure, they get all those groceries for free, but good lord…how many sticks of deodorant does a man need? Aside from that, I’m pretty sure I’ve got better things to do with my time than hunt down free spaghetti noodles. I dunno…maybe I’ll regret that in 2012, when the end of the world happens and the stench of dead Zombies is so overpowering. Guess I’ll just have to hunt down an extreme couponer and try to buy some air freshener for two Coca-Colas, a pack of Ramen and a bag of Twizzlers.
5. Eating chocolate
Honestly…I swear…
6. Joining your best friend’s garage band
I believe this has been covered in a previous blog, but your best friend’s garage band only plays at your mom’s house because she makes the best Hot Pockets on the block. If it weren’t for those microwavable beef and cheese filled flaky goodness, that garage band wouldn’t exist. Why? Because they suck. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be a “garage” band, now would they…
7. Making lame comments on Twitter, Facebook, (social networking site name goes here) that make no sense.
I’m not talking about the ones such as ” I’m chillin at blahblahblah with DahDahDah” type of comments. I’m referring to those ones people post that are fairly cryptic and it starts a big game of “guess what I mean and who this is directed at.” No one likes that damn game anyways. It’s kinda like a game of Dodgeball. The only person having any fun is the person throwing the ball. Everyone else gets to go home with a belly ache.
8. Letting People walk all over me
Yeah, this is a bad habit of mine. I have THEE hardest time telling people I care about “No.” This often leads to me getting walked on and my heart often feels like it was taken for quite a ride. Not anymore. That girl is long gone, peeps.
9. Taking a dead end, pencil sharpening, paper stapling, lame ass job
Matter of fact, I would recommend that one to just about anyone who isn’t happy with how things are turning out in their life. I firmly believe that I have a right to work a job that I love and am passionate about and so does every other human being. I’ll be pursuing those passions now. No more mail room sorting for me. (that’s generic for “crappy job.”)
10. Falling out of remission
I like to think I have complete control over this and guess what? It ain’t gonna happen. Not as long as I’ve got somethin’ to say about it.
and now…
10 Things I WILL be doing
1. Breaking some of those “resolutions” above, because, well…We AAAALLLLL know I’m fully prepared for the Zombie Apocalypse that will occur in 2012…
2. Playing less videogames
Buuuuuuuttt…since I’m NOT number watching, I refer to number one on this second list.
3. Using my sword
That started out as just another inside joke between an old friend and I, but maybe there’s a bit more to it. I tend to use my pen; probably too much. Time to start standing up for myself and my goals.
4. Eating meat
Yep. I’m a meat eater. Far from being a hipster. Go eat the dead carcass of an animal, you hippie. Just make sure it is organic and free -range..
5. Thanking aiport Security guards
I want them to know how lovely the frisking felt.
6. Doing less laundry
Hmm…I’ll just call that extreme couponer guy and inquire about expanding my uses for deodorant.
7. Call/Text people in the same room as me
Admit it. It is quite a riot to watch everyone else in the room wonder who you are both talking to. Then, once the other people realize you’ve not included them in your “secret” conversation, they think you’re talking about them. Yes, I speak from experience. I can’t make this stuff up, people.
8. Writing more often
I’ve really neglected my little private corner of the interwebs due to the holiday season and extreme traveling, but those days are behind me. I’ve got a rather large list of ideas and aim to keep this a happy, canSer-free laugh joint. Word.
9. Marking things off my bucket list
I had one years before there was a movie about it. I made it when I was 14 and it stays safely tucked away in my wallet. It has been through high school graduation, Boot camp, Hurricane Katrina AND Rita, several weddings and drunken pub crawls, a few trips to various foreign countries and even my tumor debulking surgery. It takes up valuable wallet space because I never know when I may have the opportunity to check something off it. Always having it with me prevents a lost opportunity. I even add to it every once in a while. Yep..I found the REAL way to be immortal. Heh.
10. Doing what makes ME happy
Why SHOULDN’T I do what makes ME happy? I’ve done so much to keep everyone else happy. Well guess what? Now it is MY turn! (and I think you should do the same.) I don’t mean be selfish, but if I wanna decorate cupcakes all weekend, knit ugly green and yellow doggie sweaters or eat cookies in bed, Imma do it. Is it really hurting anything?
So, here’s my challenge to my readers. Be selfish every so often. Do something for you just because you deserve it.
Heh. Yep. I came to ruin your week. This song won’t leave your left side brain for the rest of the week. Muaaahahahahahahaaaahahahaaaaa!
I also can’t believe it has already been ten days since my last update. Seriously. Time is flying by these days…
I’m going to interrupt my little spot on NYC to discuss some other happening that occurred this past week. I had my first follow up CT Scan since finishing chemo this past Wednesday.
Now let me tell ya, since we all know I’m serious about ass kickin, I wasn’t overly worried about it. I drank down my non-chalky “oral contrast” mixture like a good girl (or as good a girl as I can possibly manage to be anyways) held my breath a few times while the machine drenched my body in radiation and went about my business for the rest of the day.
I didn’t feel any inner chaos until Friday when I returned to hear the results. I couldn’t even read, people. (Yes, they still make books! And yes, some of us still actually PREFER a book..but that may be because some of us can’t afford an eReader. Besides, there’s a certain satisfaction one gets when finishing an actual book that just doesn’t come from anything else.) I sat in the waiting room and I could feel the carnival in my tummy start to work. Once I got back into the private room, the roller coaster and ferris wheel were running at full power. Most people would just call this “butterflies” in the tummy, but what kind of butterflies feel like that??? Hmmm? Butterflies my butt…that was a full-on amusement park, complete with Funnel Cake, Carnies and fountain Coke.
Ugh. I really thought I was going to throw up all over my white Pumas. Luckily for me, a sweet, cute boy sent me a text message at just the right time, telling me it would all be okay. Funny how things like that can calm the soul, isn’t it. Just a random message, saying “Sweetheart, It will be fine.” I’ve some awesome people in my life who always seem to have the perfect timing. A few moments later, Dr. Rosenfeld walked in.
Naturally, I tried to read his face. I don’t know why I attempt this, because he is just one of those doctors that you can’t do that with. I think he could tell what I was doing because he smirked and said “well, your scan’s clean. Ridiculously clean”
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!
I knew it!
Good thing, too, because I’d really hate to embarrass canSer by kicking its ass twice..
I believe in Wild Angels. Do you?? Here’s Martina’s actual video..just because I think it’s pretty rad so you should too. Without those guardian angels, I wouldn’t be telling you about the awesomeness I just experienced recently and we all know that ONLY wild angels would be assigned the hefty task of dealing with this girl. heh.
So most of y’all probably know that I just went on a big road trip to a few cities. My better judgment tells me that I should give it to ya in the order it all occurred which would mean starting with Washington, D.C. but my ability to empathize and place myself in another’s shoes tells me that I should start with what I would really want to hear about…NEW YORK CITY! And, I just bought a box of happy but promised myself not to use said happy until I get a blog update out. So let’s get this goin’ because I’ve got secret missions to do. That’s all I can tell you. I’ve probably already said too much..
Charles and I got to The Big Apple around nine p.m. on a Wednesday evening. The air was chilly yet carried a warmth. The skyline was lit up in all it’s bedazzled glory.
That feeling in your chest right now? That excited, breathlessness…that’s exactly what I had. Upon seeing the city lights, I felt my throat tighten up but managed to control the water works. The first evening was spent catching up with old friends and viewing the city skyline from Tia’s terrace. Fortunately, I do not have a view like this; I would never leave my house. Or maybe, that would develop into an addiction for me…constantly leaving, not returning calls and exploring a city that I’m fairly sure has never been fully explored by but one single individual person. I’m pretty sure it would take several years to see absolutely everything there is to see in NYC.
We rose early the next day to get a terrific start and attempt to beat the city at the sleep game. Breakfast was coffee and doughnuts from a Japanese bakery in Bryant Park. If one wishes to attend a doughnut shop that has no cops in it, go to the Japanese-type ones. haha!
Next stop, Rockefeller Plaza.
I knew this was meant to be as I turned around and saw God hovering above the doors rockin out with his Samurai swords…
We spent most of the morning walking around the NBC Experience store where Charles rocked it out by getting me a Central Perk t-shirt. For those of you naysayers, Central Perk is the fictional coffeeshop that the crew of “Friends” hung out at all the time. Anyone who knows me, knows that I LOVE me some Friends. I even have the complete boxed set, people.
Since I’ve several hundred photos from this trip and sooooo much to tell, this will all come as a sort of…mini-series. Yeah. That’s what Imma call it..a mini-series. It will be my “Makin you bitterly Jealous” mini-series.
So, what do I have in store for y’all then? Weeeeeeehhheeeheeeheeeellllll…
Museum of Modern Art (MOMA) Random acts of silliness and laughter, Natural History Museum, (got gumgum?) Cute boys, Sightseeing cruise, my inherent search for a pretty scarf to wrap my cold head in, breakfast at Tiffany’s, (okay okay..maybe that was just in my imagination..) and sooo much more. So, over the next week or so, I solemnly do swear to love and cherish my readers, to faithfully devote attention to my blog, in sickness and in health, till trip end do we part..
Hugs and sunny surf,
Jessica & Gertrude
P.S.
If you look carefully, I’m pretty sure there’s a reflection of a wild angel in that Alexander McQueen store window…heehee
I love how utterly difficult you’ve become to maneuver these days. Or rather, maybe this should be entitled Letter to a terrorist..but, it’s not so we will just talk about you, airport.
Don’t get me wrong…I love that you get me to where I want to be fairly quickly and much more safely than driving across the country alone, however, there’s a few things about you that just irk me and I think you should know about them.
For starters, what the hell is this crap of charging me for having luggage?? I already paid half a grand for the stupid ticket and obviously I’m not going to wear the same stuff everyday for a few weeks..you know how nasty my underroos would be?? Get real.
Also, I wear a headscarf because I had a medical issue. Has nothing to do with my religion whatsoever, you ignant mofos!
All my love,
Jessica
Okay, now that we have that out of the way, as you can see, I’m on a much needed vacay. I’m hangin’ with a friend and we are roadtrippin’ it in a few days! Remember how I’ve said one should get out and do the things you want because life is seriously just too short not to? Well, that’s exactly what I’m doing right now! I may not have a whole lotta mooooolah for this, but thatis’ aight. I got great peeps to see and be with and a terrific attitude about it all. Nothing a digital camera can’t fix, holmes. hehe.
I fully plan to see my Kirtface and Rick while in NYC. I’ll also have to get ahold of a few other people I know up there, as I absolutely owe them a personal thank you for all their continued support with my recent triumphs in life. (Tianna, that means you girl!)
Charles and I plan on doing all the typical NYC touristy stuffs like, standing in line overnight with our Starbucks and muffins to get tickets to the Jimmy Fallon Show, crying at Ground Zero and pissing off the “Soup Nazi.”
I know this is a short update, but I wanted to get it out there. I’ve got some funny ideas and some great content to come and I promise, I’ll get to updating a bit more. I’ve been pretty fail as I’ve been trying to cope with the bullsh!t life handed me the past few months. Of course, I’ve done my best to keep the positive thinking going and I think it is paying off. I’m a fan. Posi thoughts for the win.
So…soon I’ll be bringin’ you Gertrude live from DC, Philly and NYC, bitches! MOre to come in the next few days! I promise!
Keep doin’ what you do, ya’ll because YOU DAMN DESERVE IT!
Hugs and Sunny Surf,
Jessica & Gertrude
P.S. I want to send a special thanks to a few people.. First off, the folks at Ivan’s Meat Market in Rogers, AR..THANK YOU!!! I LOVE the gift coupon y’all sent me for mah barfday!!! wooooT!!!
and, to Mr. Glenn Sweet and his wife. I can never thank you enough for everything y’all have done for me and I promise to continue to pay this forward in every possible way that I can. I love y’all!
The idea of this is to read it often and make sure there is some follow-through. I know I’m not perfect and may fudge on some of this, but hey…so goes the life of a pirate. In the words of Captain Jack Sparrow, they’re not rules…as much as…guidelines. Anyway, there’s just a few things I need to discuss with me, so here we go.
First off, quit settling for less than the knight in shining armor. So far, all that has gotten you is a couple of divorces, a few extra pounds and well, okay..the coolest little dog known to mankind. But that was simply a fluke. Chances are, you would have found that pupster regardless so he doesn’t count. Honeychild, Mr. Right will love you just the way you are. He won’t kick the bedmonster out of your bed because you didn’t give him his puppy bath this week. (maybe just to the foot of the bed.) he’ll buy you tattoo sessions for Christmas and he will send flowers ‘just because.’
And while we are on this subject, he will also support your dreams and goals. You’re never too old to finish college and you are absolutely smart enough to be a sleazy lawyer, just like you always wanted to be. Know those bad days you have where you just need to scream and voice your frustrations to someone? He won’t mind that, either. Matter of fact, he’ll probably even take the blame for his screw-ups and when it comes to arguments with others, he will most ALWAYS side with you, even if it means you’re both wrong. Most importantly, he will be man enough to apologize for the times he is actually wrong and you won’t have to contstantly say you’re sorry for things that were out of your control. Not everything is your fault, woman, so quit apologizing for being who you are.
Now, since we’ve hit that topic, you just can’t control everything in this world. Having said that, it was NOT your fault that you ended up with the canSer and it was NOT your fault that things are they way they are right now. Sure it sucks to have to constantly start over but that too will soon cease. As much as you’ve taken in during your short time on this planet, you absolutely have the most amazing parts yet to come. Karma loves ya and won’t overlook your pretty face.
On that note, don’t forget what canSer has given you. If life were a VCR and you could hit rewind and edit, deep in the beautiful heart ya got, you know you wouldn’t change shit. Why? Because girlfriend, you said it best yourself…coping with canSer taught you to rely on the beauty INSIDE because you couldn’t rely on what was outside. Besides; you know you rock that bald head with class and sass. Hell, even Sinead O’Connor couldn’t pull off what you are, not even with all the money she made from a 3 dollar headshave.
3 dollars is enough to get you a sonic coke and a cheeseburger so don’t fret. It ain’t easy to rebuild your life on a mere $400 a month but that is temporary. Karma has already waved her magic wand and touched the lives of those at the company you will soon write for and brought your magic into their rockin’ facility. You belong there and they all know it. Just be patient, grasshopper because sometimes it just takes a bit of extra time to get the ball rolling. Ya lost just about everything and it sucks, but people who truly love you will help you get it back. They also won’t throw it in your face and won’t be doing it so they can play the “savior” roll. Matter of fact, they won’t think a damn thing of it because that’s just how they roll. Eliminate the toxic people and things will get even better.
Keep on keepin’ on and be doin’ what you do. Bald is beautiful and you deserve the fairytale…even if that fairytale is more reminiscent of Tim Burton than Disney.
Hugs and Sunny Surf,
Jessica & Gertrude.
Oh and P.S. You ARE a princess…no matter what he says…WTF does he know anyway?? You know the truth. You can get it back without lying and without the toxic ones. Hard work pays off better in the end than lying and belittling. Let Karma deal with that, momma.
Some time has passed since I explained why I mispell the word canSer, so I’m going to clear up some confusion and misplaced awesomeness again here.
See, I’m a huge fan of respect and I firmly believe that respect is earned, not given. Most of y’all also know that I never ever EVAR say “my canSer.”
So, here’s the scoop, peeps. You ask why I mispell canSer…I ask why YOU take ownership of it!! I mean, WHHYYYYY??? Why do you poke the bear??? Don’t encourage it. Do NOT take ownership of it, for cryin out loud. Show it absolutely no respect. Don’t even call it “canSer” when possible. Call it “it.” Don’t capitalize it, don’t placate it, don’t let it control any part of your life and don’t even spell it right! (Props to Kris Carr and her book, “Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips” for that one. ) That tip has definitely been one of my favorites.
I mean, last time I checked, I didn’t own anything I don’t like; credit card debt excluded. Take a look around. Do YOU own things you don’t like? If I’ve had things I didn’t care for, I busted my butt to get rid of them…
canSer included.
Well, my little Gertrudians, that is all for now. I’m tired. Must sleep.
HOWEVER..stay tuned! I have some big BIIIIIIIIGGGG news that Imma let slip out here soon. Just waiting for the right moment. Don’t want to do it too soon because I don’t wanna jinx myself. But really!! Keep checking back..had some crummy happenings the past couple days, but they were beat up and kicked out from under the bed by some way rad-shaped happenings! Check back in a few days and you’ll see what I’ve got in store!! teeheeheeeeee
And remember…No one is going to give you permission to live. So get goin already!
Hugs and Sunny Surf,
Jessica & Gertrude
(this photo cracks me up because it says “Air Bag Warning” above my head…get it?? get it?? BWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA)
(and..what are you doing still reading this right now?? Didn’t I tell you to get goin already???) ;)
You met me tonight at the Northwest Arkansas Airport and I gave you my card; which is how you probably found this blog. I don’t normally do much politicking here, as it is not generally meant for those sorts of purposes. BUT To be honest, I’m totally excited that you are reading it! It briefly tells my story as a 28 year old woman who had a staring contest with canSer and didn’t blink. (Not even a half-blink!) I’m not brave, I’m not prolific, I’m not a miracle and I’m not inspiring. I’m human and as a human, I have a will to survive. I just let that will to survive drive me.
Anywhoo, I’m writing this in hopes that you DO read my blog, as I know you are a busy man. (I interned with Mr. Darrell Issa..seriously..I don’t know how y’all do it! I’d lose my mind!) Also, I won’t nag you after this little brief politicking on my personal corner of the internet. However, dealing with a nasty dis-ease has really opened my eyes on just how whacked healthcare has become. I was denied Medi-Cal, my insurance pays pretty much whatever they decide they want to pay and at only 28 years old, I have over $400,000 dollars in medical debt. I won’t go on about this, as you probably already know what I could possibly say about it. I’m currently on Disability and it isn’t even enough to pay rent. I truly hope that the voted in powers that be can get this corrected.
In any event, I hope you enjoy my blog and spread the word. I found it pretty rad that someone with the status you have would even take the time out of your day to tell me that you will keep me in your prayers. People don’t realize how important something as small as a prayer thought, a blanket or a soda from a favorite fast food restaurant actually is to someone with canSer. Especially considering you know nothing about me, to include how I vote. I’m just a girl who drives around in her beat up Honda, singing off tune country music at stop lights, who lives in a guest bedroom at her grandmother’s house. I spend my days writing funny nothings about my life for others to feel better about theirs and if I’m not doing that, I’m playing some sort of shooting game on Playstation and reminiscing about my days as a soldier. (and boy do I miss those days! I never thought I would actually say this, but damn I miss being a soldier.) I’m just lucky I’ve learned to do things with a smile on my face because now I know just how much worse off it could actually be. Please let me know if there is ever anything I can do to help out a fellow Conservative (besides a vote.)
Lately a lot of things have been getting to me. Normally, I try to not do that because, well, I just don’t have the patience for it. So, since everyone needs a good gripe session at times, here’s what’s been twisting my bra strap lately.
Wal-Mart’s “Rollbacks”
(Be sure to look REEEEALLLLY close at that one…those wonderful mathematical geniuses…) So I know you are probably thinking something like this: ”But Jess, why on earth would you not like even lower prices?”
Well, hypothetical person that is speaking to me via my personal corner of the interwebz…those “rollbacks” aren’t REALLY good buys. If one should actually pay attention to the prices in Wal-Mart, one would notice that when WM rolls back one item, they MARK UP another to make up for the cost difference. For example, my lil’ Elvis-shaped friend loves his Little Cesar’s for breakfast everyday. This particular wet dog food on “rollback” was a mere 58 cents! Then, a few weeks ago I returned to get more and found Pedigree to be on “rollback” and guess what brand was now 72 cents–Little Cesar’s. I hardly find that sort of stunt to be a true discount. (and yes, Elvis still gets his Little Cesar’s because that’s what he likes. I don’t eat food I don’t like so why would I make my dog?)
Spiders
I hate these things so much that I’m not even putting a picture of one here nor is the paragraph going to be any longer than this one sentence.
Clowns
Sure that little girl is all smiles at the moment but that is because it tickles when clowns try to suck your soul out through your nose. Just wait until she turns around and realizes what just happened!
And check out this clown!!
Now that is scary!
(okay okay. Normally I try to keep politics out of my blog and to be quite honest, I used to really like this guy..until his brain fell out of his ear. I’m pretty sure it is floating around in the Potomac river somewhere and some little kid is now using it for fish bait.)
Heights
My guy seems to think he is going to make me do this at the San Diego fair next year. Good luck with that because last time I checked, people can’t even make me eat stuff I don’t want to; let alone jump off a perfectly good platform with an overgrown, mutant rubber band tied to my ankles. Remember those paddles we all had as kids that had the bouncy ball attached to it with a piece of elastic? Yea, I’m not one of those.
Your Friend’s band
If they didn’t suck, they wouldn’t be playing in your best friend’s brother’s girlfriend’s garage, now would they?
Girls who wear Uggs in July with their shorts/mini skirt
So it is 100 degrees outside and girls wear boots that were meant to be worn in Alaska during January. It looks ridiculous with shorts. Besides that, Uggs are UGLY! I cannot figure out what the appeal is and yes, I have tried them on just to see if it had something to do with how they fit. Crocks easily fall into this same category.
So there you have it for now. These things just bug me. Something tells me that one or two of them bug pretty much everyone else, too. However, since I’m not a fan of complaining without some sort of solution, here are a few things making me pretty happy right now.
First off, Borderlands and a subscription to GameInformer
My little bro and I can’t stop wasting time on this! And what gamer DOESN’T want a subscription to GameInformer?? It’s my crack, people; especially since I just got a new PS3! (don’t hate. The boyfriend bought it for me. hehe)
End of Summer clearance sales
Seriously. I hit up Belks department store today with my gramma and scored some sandals that were 89 bucks at the beginning of the season. Guess how much I paid for them? Just guess! You’ll never guess. 15 Bucks! I would say patience is a virtue, but the only reason I didn’t buy them when I first saw them was because I didn’t have the money. Dear Kharma, I love your face. I LOVE these sandals! Don’t you?
My Barnes & Noble and Borders membership cards
These cards give me sweet discounts and since I’ve not had much to do, I’ve done a lot of reading.
Gladiolus and Magnolias
They’re just so pretty. I want a Magnolia tree in my backyard…/looks at boyfriend with puppy eyes
Funny Yoga positions
Eagle Pose
But I think “Pink Flamingo Pose” is much more appropriate
Happy Baby Pose
I like it’s alternate name of “Dead Bug Pose” much better, but tomato tomahto.
I’m not really sure what this one is called, but I would like to recommend “Flying Eagle Pose.” I’m also pretty sure that the BF will be excited that I can do this pose.
So cock a doodle doo baby! These foods are a bit more expensive, but pale in comparison to my medical bills. Heh. I’m not trying to say “Hey you murdering meat eater, eat your organic free trade broccoli for cryin out loud.” I’m just saying that I really think a lot of the canSer and other dis-ease running around this country, eating away at our beautiful American people can be contributed to the dietary changes in the past couple of decades. 20 years ago, it was much less common to receive a canSer diagnosis…especially at a young age like mine. 
