Eleven years ago on this day, I was working for Delta airlines as a customer service agent. It was about 8 am central standard time, and we always had CNN or some sort of news station on in the back room. My co-worker, Tim, ran out and grabbed me from my computer and a line of people; dragging me to the back office.
“Look!” he exclaimed.
“This is no accident, ” he added.
I was in shock as I watched the first tower burning and listened to the reporter tell the harrowing story of how an airplane full of people just burned through it. Several minutes passed as we stood there, ignoring passengers yells to be helped at the counter. We couldn’t help them anyway, as everything was about to be shut down. Tim and I were in a trance, mouths dropped open, staring. That’s when it happened. We watched that second airliner plow right into the second tower. I can not even begin to imagine what went through the mind of a New Yorker who saw this, as I only saw it on live television. I know that, for myself, panic set in. Panic, anger, disbelief, sadness, frustration, torment. I remember telling a frustrated passenger that it wasn’t about him missing his stupid business meeting anymore.
“Go back here. Sit there for two minutes and get a clue,” I told him as I sat him in front of our little office television. I watched his face go through all the same motions mine did. He just stood up, looked at me with sadness in his eyes, and stumbled out of the office. He plopped down on an airport bench in utter disbelief at the situation, just like the rest of America.
Less than a year later, I enlisted. How were you affected?
Please at least watch one video. If any, listen to one of the calls. Feel the terror in their voices. Feel empathy. Realize how truly blessed we all are today.
I always tell my friends and family that I love them. Sometimes they look at me crazy, but at least if something should ever happen to me, they know someone in this life cared about them.
Yesterday marked the 10th Anniversary of 9/11
I do this blog every year but this year, I opted to put it up the day AFTER. Simply because we as a country should be reminded of this event every day, not just on September 11 every year.
Most of this post will be videos but I have a few things to say here.
First of all, My heart goes out to anyone and everyone who was affected in one way or another by this event. A dear friend of mine told me “happy 911 day.” He says that because he thinks it’s important to remember how we as a nation set our differences aside and united together to support each other and we do it every year on this day. Democrats, republicans, white black gay straight Christian Muslim we are America.
Next, 2 million of the 9/11 generation were so moved by the events that they joined up. I’m damn proud to have been one of those 2 mil. To my fellow soldiers who have fallen; your sacrifice was not in vain. To those who are still here; keep on keepin on. Drink water, change your socks and drive on. Pain is only weakness leaving the body. I miss being a soldier, even though it was spiritually draining for me.
Finally, They were wives husbands sons daughters brothers sisters cousins nieces nephews fiancées girlfriends boyfriends friends acquaintances employees employers and much more. But most importantly, they were innocent.
WARNING: Some of these videos are graphic, but sometimes, that is what it takes to get attention.
Never Forget.
Hugs and Sunny Surf,
Jessica & Gertrude
While watching some Netflix instant stream the other night, the actors in the film began a discussion about what word is perfect for what city and I thought to myself..Hmm..If I were a city, what city would it be?
I don’t mean what city do I love or the ones I grew up in. Obviously I love San Diego, however, I would not be that city. San Diego would be the easy life, Beautiful, breezy with an attitude streak that caters to laziness. No, San Diegans aren’t lazy, but given the chance, I know that city would totally call in sick to work on any given day that the swell is good.
Then I thought maybe San Francisco.
Full of culture, whimsy, untamed. The right amount of anonymity, however, I’m just not hipster enough. (and probably way too straight for that matter.) It is by far my next most beloved, after San Diego, but it just isn’t the soulful city I would be.
NYC?
Probably not. While it has had it’s fair share of down times that roughened it’s edges, it is too fast paced and way too expensive. But I do know a few folks who would absolutely be an NYC type. Gritty yet refined and hard as diamonds. All without the urine and cigarette smell that float through the dark alleys of other places. The smog probably covers it up. You know, like a perfume…
Then I started thinking…What if I’m a Beaumont, TX type? (or really, any city that no one would probably willingly vacation to unless they grew up there or had family in the area…) You know, small, rural, possibly incredibly redneck yet comfortably cozy in my surroundings?
Yep. Definitely not a Beaumont.
I really think that if I were a city, I’d be Rome.
Yes, I said ROME.
See, Rome has pulled the short straw from the pack more than once. It has been pilfered, destroyed and conquered; yet has always managed to come back to pilfer, destroy and conquer. It is cultured but beautifully rough around the edges. It’s imperfections make it perfect in a surreal sort of way. It has history and sometimes that history is disgusting, beguiling and gruesome yet magnificent, stunning and euphoric all at the same time. Took Rome many hard years to get to where it is today and Rome is very happy just being Rome. Rome is proud of it’s history even the not-so-good parts of said History. Pompeii was a Roman city..
Out of the Ashes…Comes beauty and renewal
I’m a Rome.
What city are you? And why?
Hugs and Sunny Surf,
Jessica & Gertrude
I’ve not had the motivation lately to update here, but this weekend was a bit bittersweet for me. This is a day that will live in infamy. One year ago today, I was placed on a ventilator and admitted to the ICU. I was lying in a bed, sedated and dying. People aren’t going to like reading that, but that’s how it was. Sometimes the truth just sucks and talking about it doesn’t always get you a seat at the cool kids’ table for lunch.
I’ve had people say I’m inconsiderate, I joke too much, I need medication, how can I take things so lightly, I need therapy, blah blah blah. I won’t apologize for anything that I have said, did or thought that pissed someone off. I’m done doing that. BUT I’ve also had people say I inspire them, that I give them hope, they admire my strength and they got out of bed because of how I coped. I’m not strong, I’m not prolific, I’m not amazing or anything else one could conjure up. I did what I had to do to survive, just like anyone else would. But for every dumb, lame statement I hear about my coping methods, I hear five amazing, smart and sassy ones. The latter make it all worth it. If one woman gets out of bed, puts on her make-up and marches into her chemo session because of my story, mission accomplished.
I’ve been through a lot of crap in my life. Two divorces, Katrina Relief, bootcamp, the death of friends and loved ones, and other things that I’m not going to get into on here. However, this past year has been THEE most difficult one of my life.
This past year, I was diagnosed with stage 3c ovarian cancer. I almost died a few times and all of my dreams were ripped out of my hands, to include the one of marrying the person I thought was meant just for me.
One of my friends asked on her facebook page if I would rather go back ten years or jump ahead five. Without a moment of thought, I stated go back ten. After all my little mind, body, heart and soul has had to deal with, I’d do it all over again. I am the woman I am today because of everything that happened; most of which happened this past year. I’ve learned to accept me the way I am. Although I struggle every so often with self image, (comon…what woman DOESN’T??) I am happy with the woman I’ve grown into. I know what I want from life now, and I refuse to settle for less than what I deserve. I’ve learned there are people in this world that love me just the way I am; sass, tattoos, morning breath and all. I’ve watched my closest friends grow into some of the strongest women I know. I mean, they not only juggled their family and careers, but stood by my side throughout the whole ordeal. Even if it was something as simple as bringing me a Sonic Coke while I was stuck at my final round of chemo, they were there to laugh and cry with me. I’ve watched my family struggle to laugh with me, even though I know they often just wanted to cry. (Although I have to admit, they often drive me crazy. BUT that doesn’t change the fact that I still love them all, no matter how pissed I may get at them. I’m sure they get mad at me, too. heh.)
So, while I may be struggling to buy new yarn for my next knitting project and can’t seem to get a leg up on a career move right now, I’d say I’m a pretty lucky girl to be surrounded by so many supportive and amazing people. It was the worst year of my life, but oddly enough, it was also the best year, too. It turned my whole world around…and I kinda like it.
Now if I could just get back out to California…everything would be perfect.
Hugs and sunny surf,
Jessica & Gertrude
Special thanks to:
First of all, Myself. Noone ever gives themselves credit for their accomplishments and I’m putting an end to that. I rock.
Dr. Kris Ghosh
Dr. Stephen Rosenfeld
Dr. Randall Hightower
the Tri-City nursing staff
Highlands Oncology Staff
Elvis (my puppymonster, not the King.)
Helen Olds
Kim Brannon
Ryann Thornton
Stephanie Reid
Lori Karis
Jen Rooney
Tyjanna Bourgeois
Troy Blakely
Jen Baker
my entire Paralegal class at USD
University of San Diego
Jessica Louise
Mike Chung
David Chen
Loc Nguyen
Diem Nguyen
Julia Nguyen
the Nguyen family
Ivan’s meat Market
Crystal Davis
Tina Newport Yeager
Kelly Erickson
Arinn Westendorf
MSG Scott Baranek
MAJ John Decker
Dianne Hupp
RJ Grijalva
Kirt Reynolds
Trik Photography
Jessica Miller (Dunk)
Frederic Leclercq (Love you Kromoze!!!)
Nhung Lien
Tri Huyhn (sorry dude! I can’t remember how to spell ur last name. But miss your face!)
Camille Berry and Mattie
My military family and fellow soldiers
Chendo
Glenn Sweet
SG community (and the members who were amazing and sent me good reads and blankets when I needed them the most
Anthony Bourdain (hey. No Reservations got me through many a chemo session)
Tom Cruise (hey…so did Risky Business and Cocktail, okay?? Cut a girl some slack here..)
Tony Maristela
Charles Park
Brian Pond and family
Tom Morris and family
A.J. Cates
Tianna Priest and family
Cody Renegar (especially for making me feel beautiful without hair and for creating the most Euro-trashtastic mohawk before buzzing my head!)
Adrian Salazar, my nuudleface BMFF (thats best male friend forever)
Rooster at Prick Tattoo in San Antonio
Eli Roth and Quentin Tarantino (my chemo sessions were long, peeps.)
My grandparents
Kendra Reynolds
Playstation
Apple
Hobby Lobby
Walmart
Best Buy
eBay
Amazon
Philosophy
iTunes
Netflix
all my favorite musicians and authors
Shyaporn Theerakulstit (God I hope that is spelled right..)
Jay Thornton
The Collective Bias family
Wordpress
Anthony Waits
Jerry Murry
The entire Warburton clan
Robert Baker
Rick Yeung
The Relay for Life family and everyone who has supported me with that
Bryce Warburton
and finally,
Mike Warburton and Vickie Warburton
Most importantly, all you amazing LWG readers!! this would be a wasted effort without y’all.
That’s a long long list, so if you don’t see your name, I’ve not forgotten you. There’s just been so many along the way that I can’t possibly name them all. I love you all so much!!! and Baby, you’ve come a long way.
I believe in Wild Angels. Do you?? Here’s Martina’s actual video..just because I think it’s pretty rad so you should too. Without those guardian angels, I wouldn’t be telling you about the awesomeness I just experienced recently and we all know that ONLY wild angels would be assigned the hefty task of dealing with this girl. heh.
So most of y’all probably know that I just went on a big road trip to a few cities. My better judgment tells me that I should give it to ya in the order it all occurred which would mean starting with Washington, D.C. but my ability to empathize and place myself in another’s shoes tells me that I should start with what I would really want to hear about…NEW YORK CITY! And, I just bought a box of happy but promised myself not to use said happy until I get a blog update out. So let’s get this goin’ because I’ve got secret missions to do. That’s all I can tell you. I’ve probably already said too much..
Charles and I got to The Big Apple around nine p.m. on a Wednesday evening. The air was chilly yet carried a warmth. The skyline was lit up in all it’s bedazzled glory.
That feeling in your chest right now? That excited, breathlessness…that’s exactly what I had. Upon seeing the city lights, I felt my throat tighten up but managed to control the water works. The first evening was spent catching up with old friends and viewing the city skyline from Tia’s terrace. Fortunately, I do not have a view like this; I would never leave my house. Or maybe, that would develop into an addiction for me…constantly leaving, not returning calls and exploring a city that I’m fairly sure has never been fully explored by but one single individual person. I’m pretty sure it would take several years to see absolutely everything there is to see in NYC.
We rose early the next day to get a terrific start and attempt to beat the city at the sleep game. Breakfast was coffee and doughnuts from a Japanese bakery in Bryant Park. If one wishes to attend a doughnut shop that has no cops in it, go to the Japanese-type ones. haha!
Next stop, Rockefeller Plaza.
I knew this was meant to be as I turned around and saw God hovering above the doors rockin out with his Samurai swords…
We spent most of the morning walking around the NBC Experience store where Charles rocked it out by getting me a Central Perk t-shirt. For those of you naysayers, Central Perk is the fictional coffeeshop that the crew of “Friends” hung out at all the time. Anyone who knows me, knows that I LOVE me some Friends. I even have the complete boxed set, people.
Since I’ve several hundred photos from this trip and sooooo much to tell, this will all come as a sort of…mini-series. Yeah. That’s what Imma call it..a mini-series. It will be my “Makin you bitterly Jealous” mini-series.
So, what do I have in store for y’all then? Weeeeeeehhheeeheeeheeeellllll…
Museum of Modern Art (MOMA) Random acts of silliness and laughter, Natural History Museum, (got gumgum?) Cute boys, Sightseeing cruise, my inherent search for a pretty scarf to wrap my cold head in, breakfast at Tiffany’s, (okay okay..maybe that was just in my imagination..) and sooo much more. So, over the next week or so, I solemnly do swear to love and cherish my readers, to faithfully devote attention to my blog, in sickness and in health, till trip end do we part..
Hugs and sunny surf,
Jessica & Gertrude
P.S.
If you look carefully, I’m pretty sure there’s a reflection of a wild angel in that Alexander McQueen store window…heehee
I love how utterly difficult you’ve become to maneuver these days. Or rather, maybe this should be entitled Letter to a terrorist..but, it’s not so we will just talk about you, airport.
Don’t get me wrong…I love that you get me to where I want to be fairly quickly and much more safely than driving across the country alone, however, there’s a few things about you that just irk me and I think you should know about them.
For starters, what the hell is this crap of charging me for having luggage?? I already paid half a grand for the stupid ticket and obviously I’m not going to wear the same stuff everyday for a few weeks..you know how nasty my underroos would be?? Get real.
Also, I wear a headscarf because I had a medical issue. Has nothing to do with my religion whatsoever, you ignant mofos!
All my love,
Jessica
Okay, now that we have that out of the way, as you can see, I’m on a much needed vacay. I’m hangin’ with a friend and we are roadtrippin’ it in a few days! Remember how I’ve said one should get out and do the things you want because life is seriously just too short not to? Well, that’s exactly what I’m doing right now! I may not have a whole lotta mooooolah for this, but thatis’ aight. I got great peeps to see and be with and a terrific attitude about it all. Nothing a digital camera can’t fix, holmes. hehe.
I fully plan to see my Kirtface and Rick while in NYC. I’ll also have to get ahold of a few other people I know up there, as I absolutely owe them a personal thank you for all their continued support with my recent triumphs in life. (Tianna, that means you girl!)
Charles and I plan on doing all the typical NYC touristy stuffs like, standing in line overnight with our Starbucks and muffins to get tickets to the Jimmy Fallon Show, crying at Ground Zero and pissing off the “Soup Nazi.”
I know this is a short update, but I wanted to get it out there. I’ve got some funny ideas and some great content to come and I promise, I’ll get to updating a bit more. I’ve been pretty fail as I’ve been trying to cope with the bullsh!t life handed me the past few months. Of course, I’ve done my best to keep the positive thinking going and I think it is paying off. I’m a fan. Posi thoughts for the win.
So…soon I’ll be bringin’ you Gertrude live from DC, Philly and NYC, bitches! MOre to come in the next few days! I promise!
Keep doin’ what you do, ya’ll because YOU DAMN DESERVE IT!
Hugs and Sunny Surf,
Jessica & Gertrude
P.S. I want to send a special thanks to a few people.. First off, the folks at Ivan’s Meat Market in Rogers, AR..THANK YOU!!! I LOVE the gift coupon y’all sent me for mah barfday!!! wooooT!!!
and, to Mr. Glenn Sweet and his wife. I can never thank you enough for everything y’all have done for me and I promise to continue to pay this forward in every possible way that I can. I love y’all!
This is a bit of a bittersweet write up. I still have good news to share with y’all but I gotta wait a little bit longer. I want to make sure everything is a “go” before I open my mouth and end up possibly making a fool of myself.
Today is my 29th birthday. Now…having said that, most single women my age would be doing a few things…getting ridiculously hammered and discussing their possible membership into the new Cougar club OOORRR drowning their sorrows in cheap wine, Neopolitan Ice cream and old romantic comedies from the late 80′s. NOT this girl!! This girl is incredibly stoked to be turning 29 years old. Sure it marks the last year that I will be able to say I’m in my 20′s, but sooooo what!!! I’m alive and I’m excited about it!! Dammit!
It’s quite possible that I’m more excited than this kid
Heh..now that’s a lot of excitement, people.
A LOT
Like, so much it makes me wanna pee my pants.
In the past few weeks, I returned from a short trip to my beautiful San Diego. I had some great times with old friends. My girl Steph and I even got matching tattoos…
Ladybugs!!
I named mine Demi. Demi means ”half” so I felt it appropriate since..well..I have half. So Steph called hers “Moore.” We’re a beautiful mess like that..heeehehe
As much as I love my artform, the boy didn’t. After some discussion, we both decided that it was just best for us to go our separate ways. I cannot be what he is looking for and vice versa. I’m a free spirit; especially now, and it is working better for us to just be friends. I was hurt at first, but have since realized that it wasn’t meant to be. Tis better this way. I’ve nothing harsh to say towards or about him and still respect him as a friend. We are just two different people now and sometimes life altering experiences do that to you. At the same time, I looked at it like this: break ups are NORMAL!!! They are ridiculously NORMAL!! For that, I’m excited.
Anyway, we did go to the zoo as well!! Let me tell ya!! It was a blast! I got some pretty wild pictures, too! (no pun intended.)
Pretty rad picture, huh. I finally figured out how to use the “zoom” feature on my iPhone. heh..I gots the smarts.
Don’t ya just wanna snuggle up with these little guys??? ’Cept…they’d probably rip your face off and you would be forever doomed to walk around lookin’ like a Splicer out of Bioshock…
I really love this picture!! That little koala looks so cozy and peaceful! I just wish I had some sort of photoshop software so I could lighten it up…Actually, it is quite possible that I do..hrmm…this is a computer that my old bosses let me use until I can pull off getting my own and I bet it has some Adobe stuffs on it..I should dig around and see, huh. Heeheeee
I’ve got a few trips planned but um…since we all know how awesome the Federal government is, I’m not sure how those are going to pan out just yet. The funds I would like to have may not be available. I don’t need much to be able to go, but still. I don’t like to worry about how my car payment will be made or where my insurance money will come from. I’ll have to just write down those shenanigans as they happen and oooohhh yessssss..there shall be shenanigans. See, the 10 year life expectancy for someone with my diagnosis is less than 10%…knowing that, I’ve decided I’m just gonna do whatever the hell I want and if others don’t like it, well, remember how I said canSer only stole a few things from me? My ass being one of those things and I was takin it back?? Weeeeeelllll…guess what I got back and is just waitin’ for the lips of haters…heh.
Suck on that, canSer…I’m STILL gonna do what I want…whether you like it or not! So HA!!!
Me win.
Anyway, for now, I’m staying put in pretty Arkansas. I’m rootin’ for my hogs, I’m freezin’ my butt off and takin’ it one lazy day at a time. I’m enjoying being single for now, although I do not wish for that to be permanent, just like anyone else would want. Eventually, I would love nothing more than to get back to San Diego; Southern California. That’s where my life is now and that’s where I feel I truly belong.
They were mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, friends, co-workers, gamblers, drinkers, fun lovers, surfers, bikers, homies, photographers, lovers, innocents, and many multitudes of other things..but most of all, they were Americans.
