Baby, You’ve come a long way

23 Feb 2011 9 Comments

by gurlinthacurl in Cancer, funny, laughter, ovarian cancer, Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,


I’ve not had the motivation lately to update here, but this weekend was a bit bittersweet for me. This is a day that will live in infamy. One year ago today, I was placed on a ventilator and admitted to the ICU. I was lying in a bed, sedated and dying. People aren’t going to like reading that, but that’s how it was. Sometimes the truth just sucks and talking about it doesn’t always get you a seat at the cool kids’ table for lunch.
I’ve had people say I’m inconsiderate, I joke too much, I need medication, how can I take things so lightly, I need therapy, blah blah blah. I won’t apologize for anything that I have said, did or thought that pissed someone off. I’m done doing that. BUT I’ve also had people say I inspire them, that I give them hope, they admire my strength and they got out of bed because of how I coped. I’m not strong, I’m not prolific, I’m not amazing or anything else one could conjure up. I did what I had to do to survive, just like anyone else would. But for every dumb, lame statement I hear about my coping methods, I hear five amazing, smart and sassy ones. The latter make it all worth it. If one woman gets out of bed, puts on her make-up and marches into her chemo session because of my story, mission accomplished.
I’ve been through a lot of crap in my life. Two divorces, Katrina Relief, bootcamp, the death of friends and loved ones, and other things that I’m not going to get into on here. However, this past year has been THEE most difficult one of my life.
This past year, I was diagnosed with stage 3c ovarian cancer. I almost died a few times and all of my dreams were ripped out of my hands, to include the one of marrying the person I thought was meant just for me.
One of my friends asked on her facebook page if I would rather go back ten years or jump ahead five. Without a moment of thought, I stated go back ten. After all my little mind, body, heart and soul has had to deal with, I’d do it all over again. I am the woman I am today because of everything that happened; most of which happened this past year. I’ve learned to accept me the way I am. Although I struggle every so often with self image, (comon…what woman DOESN’T??) I am happy with the woman I’ve grown into. I know what I want from life now, and I refuse to settle for less than what I deserve. I’ve learned there are people in this world that love me just the way I am; sass, tattoos, morning breath and all. I’ve watched my closest friends grow into some of the strongest women I know. I mean, they not only juggled their family and careers, but stood by my side throughout the whole ordeal. Even if it was something as simple as bringing me a Sonic Coke while I was stuck at my final round of chemo, they were there to laugh and cry with me. I’ve watched my family struggle to laugh with me, even though I know they often just wanted to cry. (Although I have to admit, they often drive me crazy. BUT that doesn’t change the fact that I still love them all, no matter how pissed I may get at them. I’m sure they get mad at me, too. heh.)
So, while I may be struggling to buy new yarn for my next knitting project and can’t seem to get a leg up on a career move right now, I’d say I’m a pretty lucky girl to be surrounded by so many supportive and amazing people. It was the worst year of my life, but oddly enough, it was also the best year, too. It turned my whole world around…and I kinda like it.

Now if I could just get back out to California…everything would be perfect. ;)
Hugs and sunny surf,
Jessica & Gertrude

Special thanks to:
First of all, Myself. Noone ever gives themselves credit for their accomplishments and I’m putting an end to that. I rock. ;)
Dr. Kris Ghosh
Dr. Stephen Rosenfeld
Dr. Randall Hightower
the Tri-City nursing staff
Highlands Oncology Staff
Elvis (my puppymonster, not the King.)
Helen Olds
Kim Brannon
Ryann Thornton
Stephanie Reid
Lori Karis
Jen Rooney
Tyjanna Bourgeois
Troy Blakely
Jen Baker
my entire Paralegal class at USD
University of San Diego
Jessica Louise
Mike Chung
David Chen
Loc Nguyen
Diem Nguyen
Julia Nguyen
the Nguyen family ;)
Ivan’s meat Market
Crystal Davis
Tina Newport Yeager
Kelly Erickson
Arinn Westendorf
MSG Scott Baranek
MAJ John Decker
Dianne Hupp
RJ Grijalva
Kirt Reynolds
Trik Photography
Jessica Miller (Dunk)
Frederic Leclercq (Love you Kromoze!!!)
Nhung Lien
Tri Huyhn (sorry dude! I can’t remember how to spell ur last name. But miss your face!)
Camille Berry and Mattie
My military family and fellow soldiers
Chendo
Glenn Sweet
SG community (and the members who were amazing and sent me good reads and blankets when I needed them the most
Anthony Bourdain (hey. No Reservations got me through many a chemo session)
Tom Cruise (hey…so did Risky Business and Cocktail, okay?? Cut a girl some slack here..)
Tony Maristela
Charles Park
Brian Pond and family
Tom Morris and family
A.J. Cates
Tianna Priest and family
Cody Renegar (especially for making me feel beautiful without hair and for creating the most Euro-trashtastic mohawk before buzzing my head!)
Adrian Salazar, my nuudleface BMFF (thats best male friend forever)
Rooster at Prick Tattoo in San Antonio
Eli Roth and Quentin Tarantino (my chemo sessions were long, peeps.)
My grandparents
Kendra Reynolds
Playstation
Apple
Hobby Lobby
Walmart
Best Buy
eBay
Amazon
Philosophy
iTunes
Netflix
all my favorite musicians and authors
Shyaporn Theerakulstit (God I hope that is spelled right..)
Jay Thornton
The Collective Bias family
Wordpress
Anthony Waits
Jerry Murry
The entire Warburton clan
Robert Baker
Rick Yeung
The Relay for Life family and everyone who has supported me with that
Bryce Warburton
and finally,
Mike Warburton and Vickie Warburton
Most importantly, all you amazing LWG readers!! this would be a wasted effort without y’all. ;)
That’s a long long list, so if you don’t see your name, I’ve not forgotten you. There’s just been so many along the way that I can’t possibly name them all. I love you all so much!!! and Baby, you’ve come a long way.

Christmas and canSer

02 Dec 2010 Leave a Comment

by gurlinthacurl in Cancer, funny, laughter, ovarian cancer, Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,


Got a few friends going through the canSer blues this holiday season? Weeeeeheeheeheeeelllll ne’er fear!! the canSer Avenger is here!! AND…

She’s got a few good idears about what to give and what NOT to give your homies who are a temporary home to a one such previously mentioned parasite.

First off, let me start by saying this.  People with canSer DO NOT want scarves, hats, turbans, wigs or any other sort of head covering you can possibly conjure up in the smallest part of that non-creative mind.  First off, these sorts of items are extremely personal. Everyone likes something different and what one person picks out to give, the receiver may find incredibly unflattering. (I mean, helloooo..not everyone wants to rock a blonde mullet wig; white trash style…don’t lie…I know that’s totally what you were thinking to give..)  Secondly, those of us who dealt with or are still dealing with the harsh effects of chemotherapy already have a million of these items. Chances are, whatever you find, we’ve got three of the exact same one…one to wear, one to be dirty and one to wash. So three.

Also, please don’t give us gift cards to places like KFC, Chili’s, etc. Not that these aren’t great gifts, but really; does a person who is fighting canSer and is probably nauseated from chemo really want to eat this stuff?? Should they eat this stuff???? Nope. Not really. So save those for your other grease-eatin’ non-calorie countin’ homies this year.

Having said all that, how bout some things canSer patients would really love??

“But Jess, you already slammed out everything I got. Now I have to return stuff and my Black Friday shopping was wasted!” so you say.

Ne’er fear! The canSer Avenger is here!

AND

Your Black Friday efforts were not in vain! Take those items to your Local American Cancer Society and donate them! They will give them to a new canSer soldier who will love them dearly and you will receive a tax write-off.

Anyhoo, moving on..

#1

One Year subscription to NETFLIX

It was also one of Oprah’s Favorite Things this year, if that helps any.

Netflix is a life-saver for any individual going through chemotherapy.  Normally, one would think that the chemo is the life-saver, but that is far from the truth. Netflix is saving canSer kickers every day. Saving them from death by BOREDOM! My chemo sessions were on average, six and a half hours long. Netflix allowed me to not only have a couple of DVD movies to bring, but also instant watch thousands of movies and every single episode of My Name is Earl and The IT Crowd. Laughter is the best medicine and you will find that lots of these gift ideas provide just exactly that!

And don’t be stingy! Opt for at least 6 months and if you’re really awesome, hook ‘em up with the 2-dvd at a time option. Word.

#2

ALL of the Disney Princess movies!  (even for a guy. They like them, too, although many won’t admit it.)

I stumbled upon THIS BLOG for those of you who think that the Princess movies may be degrading to women. Quit reading too much into things. You ruin it.  Just enjoy the movies.  Every girl, no matter what age, wants to be a Princess; particularly a Disney one.   I mean, who WOULDN’T want to be one of those chicks up there?? They get it all! The guy, the palace, the crown, the cupcakes..hey. In my mind, they get cupcakes.

#3

The Michael Jackson Experience Game!

This is probably the coolest thing to come out in video gaming this year.  Word to the wise: make sure your canSer kicker has one of these gaming systems and that you purchase the game for the CORRECT system. I can’t tell ya how many xbox games I have and no xbox to play them on.

Also, don’t gimme that crap about child molestation, blah blah blah. Don’t act like you don’t know the words to Thriller or Billie Jean..You’re so humming them in your head riiiiiigght now and you know it!  Whether you want to admit it or not, the Man inspired the world.

#4

One of previously mentioned gaming systems!!

Or, if the gift receiver already has one of these systems, the xbox Kinect or PS3 Move are nice additions and are required in order to play the MJ Experience game. My personal pick would be the Kinect if that person has all these systems as it provides an overall experience. If the individual does not have a system at all, go for the PS3. It is a better overall entertainment console; as it can surf the web, play blu-rays, etc. the xBox is a better overall gaming console and has a handful of games that are full of WIN that are not available on the PS3. (Left for Dead 2 anyone???)

#5
Anything Zombie related is always fun. So let’s see…
We have..
Videogames

I have to agree with this guy’s love of zombie games; although I rather liked Left for Dead 2…just sayn.
However, he’s left out such greats as Plants vs. Zombies (which is also available as an iTunes app game for iPhone) Dead Space, Rock of the Dead; a game where mad guitar skills are used to destroy the hordes of undead, Red Dead Redemption: Undead nightmare; cowboy up, zombie killers..and the Siren series.
Movies
HERE’S a whole list of ‘em!  If there’s too many to pick from, I would recommend 28 Days Later,( although, this is arguably NOT a zombie film, as the people are consumed by the rage virus and are not really walking dead but whatever. It’s still a fun watch.)  anything by George Romero, Fido, and my two personal favorites, Zombieland and Shaun of the Dead.

Books

Or ANY Max Brooks novel, for that matter

See?  A little something for everyone in the Zombie genre. If there’s nothing here, just google “Zombie stuff” and TA DAAAAAAAA!!! Magic!

#6

A nice, quality blanket.

No really.  One has no clue how comforting it is to have an amazing blanket that is aaaalll your own. No one else but you has puked on it.

See? Now you know WHY it’s so terrific. heh.

I received one of these when I was in the hospital and it is AH MAH ZING! It goes pretty much everywhere with me.


I actually had two blankets. My homegirl, Kim gave me one as well so I had one to wash and one to take with me.

,

,

,

,

,

,

#8
iPod
Word.
Need I really say more about this??

#9
Gift cards to iTunes
These can be used to purchase music, apps, ringtones ebooks and other whatnot for said iPod/iPhone. They’re lovely and kinda get around that whole “impersonal” issue most have with a gift card. It is actually quite thoughtful in my opinion because nothing is worse than when someone buys you a CD or DVD that you already own or really just can’t stand.

# DEKA (ten in greek, but I thought it looked like “deku” ten cool points if you know what that is from..)
Donation to The American Cancer Society in our name.
No really. That’s pretty cool. Just accompany it with some cookies or a pumpkin pie and there you have it..a gift worthy of tears.
You’re still humming Billie Jean, aren’t you..

Hugs and Sunny Surf,
Jessica & Gertrude

P.S. I left out something..did you notice? hehehe

Birthdays and Panda Butt

03 Oct 2010 2 Comments

by gurlinthacurl in Cancer, funny, laughter, ovarian cancer, Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,


First up, Gertie and I made the local news!!! I’m pretty excited about it still!!

Click HERE

(this whole blog is just overall EXCITED)

This is a bit of a bittersweet write up. I still have good news to share with y’all but I gotta wait a little bit longer. I want to make sure everything is a “go” before I open my mouth and end up possibly making a fool of myself.

Today is my 29th birthday. Now…having said that, most single women my age would be doing a few things…getting ridiculously hammered and discussing their possible membership into the new Cougar club OOORRR drowning their sorrows in cheap wine, Neopolitan Ice cream and old romantic comedies from the late 80′s.  NOT this girl!! This girl is incredibly stoked to be turning 29 years old. Sure it marks the last year that I will be able to say I’m in my 20′s, but sooooo what!!! I’m alive and I’m excited about it!! Dammit!

It’s quite possible that I’m more excited than this kid

Heh..now that’s a lot of excitement, people.

A LOT

Like, so much it makes me wanna pee my pants.

In the past few weeks, I returned from a short trip to my beautiful San Diego.   I had some great times with old friends.  My girl Steph and I even got matching tattoos…

Ladybugs!!

I named mine Demi. Demi means  ”half” so I felt it appropriate since..well..I have half. So Steph called hers “Moore.”  We’re a beautiful mess like that..heeehehe

As much as I love my artform, the boy didn’t. After some discussion, we both decided that it was just best for us to go our separate ways. I cannot be what he is looking for and vice versa. I’m a free spirit; especially now, and it is working better for us to just be friends. I was hurt at first, but have since realized that it wasn’t meant to be. Tis better this way. I’ve nothing harsh to say towards or about him and still respect him as a friend. We are just two different people now and sometimes life altering experiences do that to you.   At the same time, I looked at it like this: break ups are NORMAL!!! They are ridiculously NORMAL!! For that, I’m excited.

Anyway, we did go to the zoo as well!! Let me tell ya!! It was a blast! I got some pretty wild pictures, too! (no pun intended.)

Pretty rad picture, huh. I finally figured out how to use the “zoom” feature on my iPhone. heh..I gots the smarts.

Don’t ya just wanna snuggle up with these little guys???  ’Cept…they’d probably rip your face off and you would be forever doomed to walk around lookin’ like a Splicer out of Bioshock…

I really love this picture!! That little koala looks so cozy and peaceful! I just wish I had some sort of photoshop software so I could lighten it up…Actually, it is quite possible that I do..hrmm…this is a computer that my old bosses let me use until I can pull off getting my own and I bet it has some Adobe stuffs on it..I should dig around and see, huh. Heeheeee

I’ve got a few trips planned but um…since we all know how awesome the Federal government is, I’m not sure how those are going to pan out just yet. The funds I would like to have may not be available. I don’t need much to be able to go, but still. I don’t like to worry about how my car payment will be made or where my insurance money will come from. I’ll have to just write down those shenanigans as they happen and oooohhh yessssss..there shall be shenanigans. See, the 10 year life expectancy for someone with my diagnosis is less than 10%…knowing that, I’ve decided I’m just gonna do whatever the hell I want and if others don’t like it, well, remember how I said canSer only stole a few things from me? My ass being one of those things and I was takin it back?? Weeeeeelllll…guess what I got back and is just waitin’ for the lips of haters…heh.

Suck on that, canSer…I’m STILL gonna do what I want…whether you like it or not! So HA!!!

Me win.

Anyway, for now, I’m staying put in pretty Arkansas. I’m rootin’ for my hogs, I’m freezin’ my butt off and takin’ it one lazy day at a time.  I’m enjoying being single for now, although I do not wish for that to be permanent, just like anyone else would want. Eventually, I would love nothing more than to get back to San Diego; Southern California. That’s where my life is now and that’s where I feel I truly belong.

Until then, have some Panda butt

Hugs and Sunny Surf

Jessica & Gertrude

Letter to a Congressman

20 Sep 2010 1 Comment

by gurlinthacurl in Cancer, funny, laughter, ovarian cancer, Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,


Dear Congressman Boozman,

You met me tonight at the Northwest Arkansas Airport and I gave you my card; which is how you probably found this blog. I don’t normally do much politicking here, as it is not generally meant for those sorts of purposes. BUT To be honest, I’m totally excited that you are reading it! It briefly tells my story as a 28 year old woman who had a staring contest with canSer and didn’t blink. (Not even a half-blink!)  I’m not brave, I’m not prolific, I’m not a miracle and I’m not inspiring.  I’m human and as a human, I have a will to survive. I just let that will to survive drive me.

Anywhoo, I’m writing this in hopes that you DO read my blog, as I know you are a busy man. (I interned with Mr. Darrell Issa..seriously..I don’t know how y’all do it! I’d lose my mind!)  Also, I won’t nag you after this little brief politicking on my personal corner of the internet. However, dealing with a nasty dis-ease has really opened my eyes on just how whacked healthcare has become. I was denied Medi-Cal, my insurance pays pretty much whatever they decide they want to pay and at only 28 years old, I have over $400,000 dollars in medical debt.  I won’t go on about this, as you probably already know what I could possibly say about it. I’m currently on Disability and it isn’t even enough to pay rent. I truly hope that the voted in powers that be can get this corrected.

In any event, I hope you enjoy my blog and spread the word.  I found it pretty rad that someone with the status you have would even take the time out of your day to tell me that you will keep me in your prayers.  People don’t realize how important something as small as a prayer thought, a blanket or a soda from a favorite fast food restaurant actually is to someone with canSer. Especially considering you know nothing about me, to include how I vote.  I’m just a girl who drives around in her beat up Honda, singing off tune country music at stop lights, who lives in a guest bedroom at her grandmother’s house.  I spend my days writing funny nothings about my life for others to feel better about theirs and if I’m not doing that, I’m playing some sort of shooting game on Playstation and reminiscing about my days as a soldier. (and boy do I miss those days! I never thought I would actually say this, but damn I miss being a soldier.) I’m just lucky I’ve learned to do things with a smile on my face because now I know just how much worse off it could actually be. ;)  Please let me know if there is ever anything I can do to help out a fellow Conservative (besides a vote.)

Hugs and Sunny Surf,

Jessica & Gertrude

Hatin’ on

01 Sep 2010 1 Comment

by gurlinthacurl in Cancer, funny, laughter, ovarian cancer Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,


Lately a lot of things have been getting to me. Normally, I try to not do that because, well, I just don’t have the patience for it. So, since everyone needs a good gripe session at times, here’s what’s been twisting my bra strap lately.

Wal-Mart’s “Rollbacks”

(Be sure to look REEEEALLLLY close at that one…those wonderful mathematical geniuses…)  So I know you are probably thinking something like this:  ”But Jess, why on earth would you not like even lower prices?”

Well, hypothetical person that is speaking to me via my personal corner of the interwebz…those “rollbacks” aren’t REALLY good buys. If one should actually pay attention to the prices in Wal-Mart, one would notice that when WM rolls back one item, they MARK UP another to make up for the cost difference. For example, my lil’ Elvis-shaped friend loves his Little Cesar’s for breakfast everyday. This particular wet dog food on “rollback” was a mere 58 cents! Then, a few weeks ago I returned to get more and found Pedigree to be on “rollback” and guess what brand was now 72 cents–Little Cesar’s.  I hardly find that sort of stunt to be a true discount. (and yes, Elvis still gets his Little Cesar’s because that’s what he likes.  I don’t eat food I don’t like so why would I make my dog?)

Spiders

I hate these things so much that I’m not even putting a picture of one here nor is the paragraph going to be any longer than this one sentence.

Clowns

Sure that little girl is all smiles at the moment but that is because it tickles when clowns try to suck your soul out through your nose.  Just wait until she turns around and realizes what just happened!

And check out this clown!!

Now that is scary!

(okay okay. Normally I try to keep politics out of my blog and to be quite honest, I used to really like this guy..until his brain fell out of his ear.  I’m pretty sure it is floating around in the Potomac river somewhere and some little kid is now using it for fish bait.)

Heights

My guy seems to think he is going to make me do this at the San Diego fair next year.  Good luck with that because last time I checked, people can’t even make me eat stuff I don’t want to; let alone jump off a perfectly good platform with an overgrown, mutant rubber band tied to my ankles.  Remember those paddles we all had as kids that had the bouncy ball attached to it with a piece of elastic? Yea, I’m not one of those.

Your Friend’s band

If they didn’t suck, they wouldn’t be playing in your best friend’s brother’s girlfriend’s garage, now would they?

Girls who wear Uggs in July with their shorts/mini skirt

So it is 100 degrees outside and girls wear boots that were meant to be worn in Alaska during January. It looks ridiculous with shorts. Besides that, Uggs are UGLY! I cannot figure out what the appeal is and yes, I have tried them on just to see if it had something to do with how they fit. Crocks easily fall into this same category.

So there you have it for now. These things just bug me. Something tells me that one or two of them bug pretty much everyone else, too. However, since I’m not a fan of complaining without some sort of solution, here are a few things making me pretty happy right now.

First off, Borderlands and a subscription to GameInformer

My little bro and I can’t stop wasting time on this! And what gamer DOESN’T want a subscription to GameInformer?? It’s my crack, people; especially since I just got a new PS3! (don’t hate. The boyfriend bought it for me. hehe)

End of Summer clearance sales

Seriously. I hit up Belks department store today with my gramma and scored some sandals that were 89 bucks at the beginning of the season. Guess how much I paid for them? Just guess! You’ll never guess. 15 Bucks!  I would say patience is a virtue, but the only reason I didn’t buy them when I first saw them was because I didn’t have the money. Dear Kharma, I love your face.  I LOVE these sandals! Don’t you?

My Barnes & Noble and Borders membership cards

These cards give me sweet discounts and since I’ve not had much to do, I’ve done a lot of reading.

Gladiolus and Magnolias

They’re just so pretty. I want a Magnolia tree in my backyard…/looks at boyfriend with puppy eyes

Funny Yoga positions

Eagle Pose

But I think “Pink Flamingo Pose” is much more appropriate

Happy Baby Pose

I like it’s alternate name of “Dead Bug Pose” much better, but tomato tomahto.

I’m not really sure what this one is called, but I would like to recommend “Flying Eagle Pose.”  I’m also pretty sure that the BF will be excited that I can do this pose.

That is all.

Hugs and Sunny Surf,

Jessica and Gertrude

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