Free Whiffy


I CANNOT get enough of this band lately. Probably not everyone’s cup o’tea persay, but I LOVE this stuff! Gives me energy and reminds me I’m alive.  Nothin better than a healthy dose of metal.

I also have a lot of respect for this band as their lyrics are almost always political in nature but at least they were there. (They are mostly Armenian and lots of their songs relate to the genocide and warring there.) Unlike OTHER bands who talk a lot of crap but lived in places like Irvine, CA (in Orange friggin County) and don’t donate to much of anything but try to get others to…or were privileged most of their lives…

In other news today,

A good friend of mine from ye olde schoole days was in town this past week. I attended a relaxing BBQ at her family farm where she proceeded to tell me quite possibly THEE funniest story I’ve heard in quite some time. I asked if I could put it here and she quickly replied with an “absolutely” without any sort of hesitation.

Soooooooo…..

Her mom pulled up to a popular deli place drive thru and ordered up a sandwich. When she got her order, she became very distraught over not receiving her “free whiffy” that was advertised on the windows and signs. (Having trouble figuring out what “whiffy” is?  Yea, I did too at first…until my friend told me to think about what was on pretty much EVERY restaurant, Starbucks and Barnes & Noble sign…NOOOWWW  do you get it?? free whiffy?? heeehehehehe)

By this time, I was laughing so hard I almost snorted coke out my nose. (the soda type, not the powdery substance that is controlled and hit its popularity peak in the ’80′s) Her mom came in and proceeded to tell us about how she got fairly irate with the kid at the drive thru window because she didn’t receive her “free whiffy” in the bag with her order. The guy shook his head and slammed the window closed in her face. She decided it was just better to leave at this point.

I seriously LOVE my friends and their families. Luckily, they all have this fairly uncommon ability to laugh at their mistakes and own craziness and I think that is a very important quality for anyone to have. (I mean, comon…if you can’t laugh at yourself, you really must lead a pitiful existence on this planet. Lighten up! You’re reading the blog of a girl who wears purple hair and makes it her sole mission to crack up her Oncologist when visiting the office for puppies howlin sakes..)

Hope that lil’ bit brightened up your weekend like it did mine.

And for those who are still scratching their heads and thinking “what the hell is free whiffy?”

Free Whiffy = Free WiFi

Hugs and Sunny Surf,

Jessica and Gertrude

We did it!!


dooojadodododooddododoooojaa wanna scooch on over herrreee…i will nibble your eaaarrrrrr

I can’t stop listening to this song lately. Not really sure why. Maybe because it reminds me of the laid back surf atmosphere of the San Diego area that I fell in love with in 2003 and still love very much to this day. Nothing beats that sort of lifestyle. I can’t even describe it…one just has to EXPERIENCE it. Take it in. All of it..the crisp, salty ocean air, the coconut-laced breeze, the taste of the street tacos from the little dude with a cart that are three for a buck, the feel of the warm, golden sand between your toes and in your crack and the ever tantalizing, fruity scent of your favorite surfwax melting into the floorboards of your brand new car. This might sound not so good to some, but to me, it is better than ice cream with Oreos mashed up in it.

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Seriously, people…I have SURFBOARDS (yes, that is pluralized form…as in, more than one) in the middle of Nowhere, Arkansas, where they are quite possibly THEE most useless they could possibly be. In addition, the Arkansas summer heat has succeeded in melting the wax off of them and now I will be forced to strip them and re-wax them at some point. This process usually involves taking an old credit card or a device called a “wax comb” and scraping off the melted bubbles. Then a base coat must be applied and it takes a while to get a surf-worthy coating of bubbly wax on a board. /cry
Small price to pay for getting back to the surf, I suppose. Three months ago I wasn’t healthy enough to surf so I really can’t complain too terribly much. Heh.

Random funny-ness:
So my friend Adrian has this app on his phone that allowed us to prank call people and successfully spoof the caller ID system. We decided it would be pretty good laughspasms to call my boyfriend in Cali and Rickroll him. See, this app records the conversation and the person on the other line can’t hear us or anything in the background. When we replayed the recording, we heard Loc say “oh I cannot believe you just did that…I hate you.”
Wanna know the best part???? LOC SAT THERE AND LISTENED TO THE WHOLE SONG! I laughed so hard I literally had to get up and run to the girls room because I almost peed my pants! I’m planning a visit to San Antonio in September, so I’m sure there will be more of these calls coming. Hopefully, I can score some of the recordings to put on here to delight your ears and vocal cords as well. Laughter is definitely a drug that should be shared. Puff puff give, mofo!

Remember how I said I was raising money for The American Cancer Society via Relay for Life? Weeeellllllll everyone can still make last minute DONATIONS and keep my team in first place for the most money raised!!! Yes, that’s right!! MOST MONEY RAISED!!! Think of how many birthday beers cancer survivors will get to have because of the money raised! Now that is seriously awesome and humanity never fails me. I LOVE my readers, family and friends for making it happen! Y’all rock my socks in a huge way!! (seriously..my socks are now made of cement; the awesomeness is soo awesome..)

One of my best homies came up from San Antonio to help with the event. We totally had the chillest set up at the event.

We had our very own rednecked white trash paradise right there. We borrowed it from these people who actually lived there.

Okay okay, I’m kidding. Those are my grandparents and they came out to watch the opening ceremonies. Had I been thinking, I would have set up a good ole round of Cow Patty Bingo behind it. See, this is where squares are spray painted into the field or grass. Everyone puts in five bucks and their initials go into a square. Whichever square the cow drops one in gets the money. Only, since there were no cows around, I would have just used my Elvis dog. Heh. I can’t make this sorta crap up, people. A true redneck olympic game right there, for your laughing pleasure.

These are our luminaria. Had I been thinking when I got these, I would have gotten one for my surgeon in Cali as well; Dr. Kris Ghosh. Because, as far as I’m concerned, he fights canSer, too, and these are in memory/in honor of those who have fought or are currently fighting. Therefore, Dr. Ghosh deserves one for kicking canSer out of my body. So does my onc out here, Dr. Stephen Rosenfeld. Just sayn.

I brought sidewalk chalk and the CSI chalk body outline was by far my personal favorite. Some people gave me funny looks about it, but I really don’t care. That made it all that much more funny to me. Get over yourselves, people.

Then there were these guys. They wanted to take a picture with “the girl with purple hair.”

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Later we sat and tried to scare each other with alien and UFO stories. Fun times, fun times.

And here’s my dog

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Unfortunately, the event was called off around midnight due to Hell’s heat finding its way to the surface of the planet and several individuals were getting symptoms of heat exhaustion. Granted, canSer doesn’t go away when one gets sick from heat, but then again, it just wasn’t worth people ending up in the emergency room. It was still a good time and a damn good cause. As I already mentioned, keep the donations coming!! (the cut off is August 31) Keep my team in the top spot for moooooooolah raised and I won’t make you play Cow Patty Bingo with me!!!

Hugs and Sunny Surf,
Jessica and Gertrude

P.S. A few quick things…anything y’all wanna hear my thoughts on?
I also joined the Formspring movement. Ask me anything you wanna know!!! ANYTHING!!

You can’t steal Pretty


My song this time, doesn’t really fit my blog ideas that I will mention, but it really shouts out what my heart has been feeling lately. So I’m sharing it. Besides..it’s a good song..and now…
for the rest of the day..and maybe tomorrow..
it WILL be stuck in your head. I guarantee it. heehehehe You’re welcome!!

Was gonna save this for tomorrow, but after MUCH searching I finally found these!!!

I SHALL be thoroughly entertained. AND if you HAVEN’T seen these movies, YOU ARE A BLASPHEMER!!! HOW DO YOU NOT LOVE TARANTINO??? YOU HIPPIE! pfffttttt. Get outta my interwebz space.

Juuuuussttt kidding…about the space thing..you’re still a blasphemer..good god..
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And now to business..I went out with quite possibly my VERY best bestie this past Friday and made a new friend at that.

OH YEA. We are hotness. We know. Geez I really look like Barbara Eden in that blonde wig! I’m lovin’ it! Is it bad if I told the one douche that wanted to buy me a drink to just give me the $7 because I wanted a cheeseburger?

This cute blonde is Ashley, but Imma call her “Smashley” because had I been able to drink, we woulda been all kinds of hopped up on some yummy wine!!! This girl had me crackin up all night. She will quickly become a partner in crime I do believe..
At Kingfish Dive bar we saw this dude who looked like this..

I swear it! Tall n skinny n everything! So, while Kim was talking to one of his friends, Smashley and I stood right beside him and sang this with our mouths..In my retardedness, I didn’t think to pull it up on my iPhone while we were standing there..dang it!! That woulda been sooo much better!!! heehehehehe

(You’re still singin “I just keep chasin pavements…” aren’t you.. Don’t lie..Blasphemer.)

So while we were out, or rather, on the boring yet sober drive home for me, I started thinking about some things. See, recently the Grams got me this kick ass coffee mug. It says “When the going gets tough, tell me I’m pretty.” Of all the fears I had when I got this cancer diagnosis, being ugly WASN’T one of them. I’ve tried my damnedest to prevent the cancer from stealing too much from me and have been fairly successful. Really, all it got were my ovaries, uterus and my ass..and between you and me..I’m takin the ass back! See, I’ve decided, that, after all I’ve been through and after all my best friends have been through (which I won’t go into in detail on here because that is their biz..but my dearest and closest friends know who they are and know the crap they’ve dealt with too.) one of the few things that cannot be stolen from you is Pretty. Pretty is obviously in the eye of the beholder and know what?? Even though I’ve NO HAIR and a huge scar down my belly, I felt damn hot in my jeans, faded leopard print top and I Dream of Jeannie hair. I saw dudes checkin me out. I saw dudes checkin my girls out. We are hotness and WE have attitudes and those attitudes keep us all goin. We feed on each other’s energy and laugh at each other’s stupid jokes. (erm…maybe they just laugh at MY stupid jokes..or even.. AT my stupid jokes.. but that’s okay by me. hehe)
And, looking at these pictures completely reinforces my belief in that.
(Thank you Kim. I’d be damn lost without you! Got this in a fortune cookie and it reminded me of you. So I saved it. :)

So suck on that one, canser. YOU CAN’T STEAL MY PRETTY!!! I WON’T LET YOU!!!
You blasphemer.

Hugs and Sunny Surf,
Jessica and Gertrude

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P.S. Shoutout to the fam at Ivan’s Meat Market. Some old man I know said y’all love readin my blog. heeheheee That made my heart smile! This beautiful mess loves writing for y’all!!! Keep on keepin on yo!!

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