Life with Gertrude

Dear Me,

The idea of this is to read it often and make sure there is some follow-through. I know I’m not perfect and may fudge on some of this, but hey…so goes the life of a pirate. In the words of Captain Jack Sparrow, they’re not rules…as much as…guidelines. Anyway, there’s just a few things I need to discuss with me, so here we go.

First off, quit settling for less than the knight in shining armor.  So far, all that has gotten you is a couple of divorces, a few extra pounds and well, okay..the coolest little dog known to mankind. But that was simply a fluke. Chances are, you would have found that pupster regardless so he doesn’t count.  Honeychild, Mr. Right will love you just the way you are. He won’t kick the bedmonster out of your bed because you didn’t give him his puppy bath this week. (maybe just to the foot of the bed.) he’ll buy you tattoo sessions for Christmas and he will send flowers ‘just because.’

And while we are on this subject, he will also support your dreams and goals. You’re never too old to finish college and you are absolutely smart enough to be a sleazy lawyer, just like you always wanted to be.  Know those bad days you have where you just need to scream and voice your frustrations to someone? He won’t mind that, either. Matter of fact, he’ll probably even take the blame for his screw-ups and when it comes to arguments with others, he will most ALWAYS side with you, even if it means you’re both wrong. Most importantly, he will be man enough to apologize for the times he is actually wrong and you won’t have to contstantly say you’re sorry for things that were out of your control. Not everything is your fault, woman, so quit apologizing for being who  you are.

Now, since we’ve hit that topic, you just can’t control everything in this world.  Having said that, it was NOT your fault that you ended up with the canSer and it was NOT your fault that things are they way they are right now. Sure it sucks to have to constantly start over but that too will soon cease. As much as you’ve taken in during your short time on this planet, you absolutely have the most amazing parts yet to come. Karma loves ya and won’t overlook your pretty face.

On that note, don’t forget what canSer has given you. If life were a VCR and you could hit rewind and edit, deep in the beautiful heart ya got, you know you wouldn’t change shit. Why? Because girlfriend, you said it best yourself…coping with canSer taught you to rely on the beauty INSIDE because you couldn’t rely on what was outside. Besides; you know you rock that bald head with class and sass. Hell, even Sinead O’Connor couldn’t pull off what you are, not even with all the money she made from a 3 dollar headshave.

3 dollars is enough to get you a sonic coke and a cheeseburger so don’t fret. It ain’t easy to rebuild your life on a mere $400 a month but that is temporary.  Karma has already waved her magic wand and touched the lives of those at the company you will soon write for and brought your magic into their rockin’ facility. You belong there and they all know it.  Just be patient, grasshopper because sometimes it just takes a bit of extra time to get the ball rolling. Ya lost just about everything and it sucks, but people who truly love you will help you get it back.  They also won’t throw it in your face and won’t be doing it so they can play the “savior” roll.  Matter of fact, they won’t think a damn thing of it because that’s just how they roll. Eliminate the toxic people and things will get even better.

Keep on keepin’ on and be doin’ what you do. Bald is beautiful and you deserve the fairytale…even if that fairytale is more reminiscent of Tim Burton than Disney.

Hugs and Sunny Surf,

Jessica & Gertrude.

Oh and P.S.   You ARE a princess…no matter what he says…WTF does he know anyway?? You know the truth. You can get it back without lying and without the toxic ones.  Hard work pays off better in the end than lying and belittling. Let Karma deal with that, momma.